Bathroom talk...
I hate my bathroom here at work. There is always someone in there.
When I worked in the technology division downstairs, it was about 1 girl to every 10 guys so I had carte blanche in the women’s room. That meant I could walk in confidently and know I could do my biz, whatever it might be, in peace. I could pee in peace. I could poo in peace. I could moan with relief when I waited too long to tinky in peace. Hey, I could even pick at my face in peace…(painting a very primitive & pretty pix of myself, ain’t I? Just remember how pretty my hair is…)
Not so in my new job. EVERY friggin’ time I go in there, there is someone just waiting to ruin my experience. That’s right; it’s all about me. So now I have to either wait for them to flush or I have to time the “rolling of the toilet paper violently” to mask any noises, which, usually is unsuccessful and I’m left with the choice of lifting my feet so they don’t know who’s in there or living with the shock that they heard me and every time they look at me they’ll think #2.
What’s worse is when you’re finished, you leave the stall, your boss walks in, and, even though the stall door is still kinda swinging from your exit, she chooses to go IN your stall and …well…do I really need to spell it out? Oh God…get me outta here! Why am I never stinky at home; but, am here??? WHY!
You know what else I hate? When you are the only one in the bathroom of 6 stalls and someone comes in and takes the stall right next to you. Hello? You lonely? Ever hear of Stall Etiquette? I’m not even attempting to do the “rolling of the toilet paper violently” and that’s your reward for making a choice that’s just oh so plainly wrong!
Here's another one…why do some people sit in a stall as silent as a mouse? What are they doing in there? Sometimes I simply wrap things up, wash my hands, dry them and lean against the sink with my arms crossed; waiting. Waiting for any sign of life, a noise, a movement (not literally)…anything! I shuffle my position to see if I can even see what they might be doing (a little too gross?) and they are, in fact, just sitting there. Doesn’t your ‘area’ get cold? Don’t you get bored? Aren’t you wondering why that person hasn’t left yet and why are THEY as quiet as a mouse? Any answers? any of your pet peeves or just fun stories?
When I worked in the technology division downstairs, it was about 1 girl to every 10 guys so I had carte blanche in the women’s room. That meant I could walk in confidently and know I could do my biz, whatever it might be, in peace. I could pee in peace. I could poo in peace. I could moan with relief when I waited too long to tinky in peace. Hey, I could even pick at my face in peace…(painting a very primitive & pretty pix of myself, ain’t I? Just remember how pretty my hair is…)
Not so in my new job. EVERY friggin’ time I go in there, there is someone just waiting to ruin my experience. That’s right; it’s all about me. So now I have to either wait for them to flush or I have to time the “rolling of the toilet paper violently” to mask any noises, which, usually is unsuccessful and I’m left with the choice of lifting my feet so they don’t know who’s in there or living with the shock that they heard me and every time they look at me they’ll think #2.
What’s worse is when you’re finished, you leave the stall, your boss walks in, and, even though the stall door is still kinda swinging from your exit, she chooses to go IN your stall and …well…do I really need to spell it out? Oh God…get me outta here! Why am I never stinky at home; but, am here??? WHY!
You know what else I hate? When you are the only one in the bathroom of 6 stalls and someone comes in and takes the stall right next to you. Hello? You lonely? Ever hear of Stall Etiquette? I’m not even attempting to do the “rolling of the toilet paper violently” and that’s your reward for making a choice that’s just oh so plainly wrong!
Here's another one…why do some people sit in a stall as silent as a mouse? What are they doing in there? Sometimes I simply wrap things up, wash my hands, dry them and lean against the sink with my arms crossed; waiting. Waiting for any sign of life, a noise, a movement (not literally)…anything! I shuffle my position to see if I can even see what they might be doing (a little too gross?) and they are, in fact, just sitting there. Doesn’t your ‘area’ get cold? Don’t you get bored? Aren’t you wondering why that person hasn’t left yet and why are THEY as quiet as a mouse? Any answers? any of your pet peeves or just fun stories?
posted by Tanya Kristine at 12:25 PM
22 Comments:
Hahahahahahaha
Oh Tanya.
I can see how you miss the bathroom on this floor.
But for me it sucks.
Guys will stand in there and talk. Like it is a meeting of the town hall or something. Geezus, it is a fricking bathroom not a lounge to shoot the shit (no pun intended).
But I feel your pain.
What you wrote was fricking funny.
I have tears coming from my eyes now.
LOL - ohhhhh gaawd, please stoooooooooop. I can't not breathe any longer. You are fucking hilarious. I HATE bathroom talk and was about to skip this post, but I just couldn't. LOL _ OMG!
There are quite a few women on my floor, but I always seem to be pretty fortunate with the bathroom situation, especially considering there are only 2 stalls. If I have an emergency I can run down to another floor where pretty much the only people using the bathrooms are clients, which are something like 85% men, so I rarely encounter other women in there. I don’t understand those people who want to use the stall right next to yours when there are other available stalls. Do they get lonely? Feel camaraderie by excreting waste in close proximity to their co-workers? Weirdos.
Yes....
And I like to get in an out of there quickly.
It is not a place I like to loiter.
Like you, I always wonder about the silent treatment. I actually mentioned this to some co-workers one day. No one is going to care if they hear you peeing. Fart noises usually make me want to laugh out loud though because I can imagine some old lady in the stall just totally mortified.
Also, I loved your comment "it's all about me". Are you an Aries? I am and I know it's all about me! HA! Thanks for the funny post. I was having a completely shitty day and your bathroom rant made me laugh.
Ah toilet stories. The worst is when you have a double-flusher and there's only you and one other person in the washroom. Terrible.
Very funny post.
True story:
There use to be a guy on our 14th floor where Tanya works now that would take a newspaper in with him and basicially be in a stall for 30-40 plus minutes.
One moring I waited for him to go into the bathroom and find a stall to occupy. When he had done that I got out this 2 liter water bottle I had saved for a plan I had devised. I filled the bottle with warm water, then I took a yellow highlighter apart and colored the water. You guessed it, it looked like pee.
I went into the restroom and chose the stall next to him. I closed the door and faced the toilet and acted like I was going to take a leak. The bottle I had filled with the fake pee had a sport cap on it, so I popped that cap and started "taking a leak". Except I was not hitting the toilet. I made sure to hit the floor so the wave of wee would go straight into his stall. As the yellow river hit is shoes I heared him yell "oh shit". His news paper flew up in the air as he fought to avoid what he thought was an ivasion of foreign urine.
I started lauging out loud as I could not contain myself. It was to damn funny.
Luckily I knew the guy and he had a good sense of humor.
ohmygod SG...that's hilarious!! you're so bad. he must've loved it. unles of course you ruined his 'good time!'
people can be very weird, i guess i could be included in taht group at times *sigh*
no i'm aquarius. they can be pretty self-centered too. but i'm glad i made you feel better. that makes ME feel better...
fart noises turn me in to a 7 year old. i laugh with glee and naughtiness! why do some people not even TRY to hide it...?
you made me laugh so hard that a little fart squeeked out! and from across the room, my 3 year old says "i heard a fart, mommy!" thanks for the announcement.
i don't care how clean it is, i touch as little as possible and move as fast as possible in there! (use foot to flush, elbow turns off water, use towel to open door, etc.) i'm like a well oiled machine & some people seem totally lost & that bugs me, i say move over to the slow lane and devise a potty plan.
Hahahahaha
"devise a potty plan"
That is funny.
I'm with ya on that one.
Oh man do I agree!
we're lucky here at my work we have 2 bathrooms. 1 with a bunch of stalls and one that is just one toliet on it's own. I have stage fright or something in the bathroom. I could be sitting and doing my business and someone walks in and freaks me out. ruins the experience.
hahhahah
what a great post!
(I responded to your comment on my blog too)
Teddy
lol!! rolling of the toilet paper violently! lol! i was once in a bathroom with a friend at a barnes and noble or some such. i was standing at the sink waiting for my friend who was in the bathroom stall. she's just talking to me, blah blah blah. and then there's a loud FART from the stall next door. and my friend says, "what?" as if i had said something! she thought the fart was dialogue! so, trying not to laugh, i said, ummmm....i didn't say anything. it's the woman next to you.
ohmygod. that made me laugh. Umm...i idn't say anything as if a fart were dialogue...classic!!!
that's why i don't have a 3 year old. they'd be too busy yelling out things mommy was doing to even learn anything in life.
You are so funny! The comments and your post made my day... I think most of us have bathroom issues. BTW- the person you are talking about- they are sitting there- waiting for you to LEAVE!!!
taht's why i torture them so and just hang out a bit. make them nervous wondering is she EVER going to leave????
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I once spent 11 hours in a bathroom stall waiting for "that person" to leave.
It turned out it was the bathroom attendant.
I need a little laugh this morning!
:)
we have all kinds of crazy bathroom issues here at work...the best is the two old librarians who always seem to have opposite toilet problems (one always has the runs and one always is constipated) and they'll sit in two stalls next to each other and just have full on conversations, while one's ass is a faucet and the other is just grunting away trying to push it out.
here's the link to another blog with a similar theme....
http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=22914470&postID=114798759754413670
i hear ya but, at this point i just blow my ass out.
The 'silent ones' you are speaking of are the 'tensers'. They are those who are so fearful of having anyone know that they, yes they too have to do #2 in all of it's smelly, noisy glory that they tense up EVERY muscle in their entire body until not even a footfall is heard in the hall. Rumour has it they don't even blink. So don't torture them so...they may blow an 'o' ring, or one of their retinas may detach. My office is full of them, the poor buggers.
sometimes i wait in the stall untill people leave so i can come out in peace . . .
but when in movie theatres (and when other lines in the women's bathroom are oh so long) i do the "well oiled machine routine" and pee faster than anyone!
when i get back into the flick, i ask my husband what i missed and he looks at me blankly and says, "nothing. that was FAST."
OmG!!! it just happened to me!!
i made a stinkey and then my bossed walked into the bathroom as i walked out.
shit.
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