Monday, January 08, 2007

A new workout!

I've been working out, now, for a little over 3 weeks.

And, as I said before, I'm getting bigger. BIGGER! (Now I know I'm not obese by any means; but, I've always been a size 7. Now I'm a 12.)

I won't give up because I just know it has to change. And besides, this working out stuff feels pretty good (except the running - that NEVER feels good).

So I decided I would pick up a new sport, since I plan on working out for the rest of my life. I chose swimming because the new gym I joined has a pool. And also, who doesn't love playing in the water? The feel of the water against my skin, the effortless floating....floating right back in to my size 7's. If that's working out, then sign me up 7 days a week!

To prepare for my new venture I bought a nose plug, swimming caps, ear plugs and eye goggles. All color coordinated. All made just to make me look amazingly hideous.

On my first day, I vainly decided NOT to wear the swim cap or the nose plugs. the ear plugs and eye goggles, however, were critical. So I scamper out to the pool, after my obligatory shower, with my towel wrapped around my size 12 ass. Thank GOD there is only one person in the area and he's way over in the jacuzzi. he took about as much interest in me as a cow chewing cud would on a lazy, warm summer day. so I put on my goggles, fumbled with my ear plugs, threw off my towel and jumped in the pool.

the deep end.

I am flailing about since my feet can barely touch the bottom, my hair is in my goggled eyes, I've lost an ear plug and I look, not like a woman trying to get in shape, but a very white whale who's lost its flippers and the ability to stay afloat.

This is not starting good. I gasp for air, swallow the water that's gone up my non-plugged nose and grab the side of the pool, glancing over to the man who is, metaphorically, still chewing his cud.

After I find my ear plug, I get back in the water and swim. I start with my right hand, left hand, right hand, pull my head out of the water and gasp for air. Head back in water, blowing out my mouth, right hand, left hand, right hand, head up for more air....and back in the water. The problem with this is as you swim, your heartrate increases and so does your need for air. so before I would get to the 3rd stroke I was already DYING to breathe and when I'd bring my head up I'd make the most wretched gasping noise. It got worse with each breath until i had to stand up, hair in goggled eyes get the was just not pretty. But I did this for 30 minutes. my heart rate did stay up because of me fighting to learn to swim aerobically. That counts for something, right?

I'm not much prettier maybe it IS just me. In fact, really the only time I look super hot is when I'm doing 12 ounce curls on my couch in front of a Sunday game. now THAT'S a workout I'm good at...


Blogger Melody said...

lol, you crack me up..

If I can withstand the indignity of swimming in public, anyone can.. (believe me.. it is horrifying.. I had to order a fat girl swim suit complete with a skirt)


3:47 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

well that's why i checked to see if anyone was really's a conundrum: don't want to work out becuase you're embarrassed yet you have to work out to get out of embarrassement mode...


3:50 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

This is EXACTLY why I do not work out...even tho I need to. I am so un-coordinated and feel like a freak when I go to the gym. At home, I have no will power at all...I'll WATCH work out tapes tho!

5:21 PM  
Blogger Dori said...

Thanks for the encouragement about working out... I will be doing swimming aerobics soon with a friend... in public (eek!)

5:45 PM  
Blogger Slinky Redfoot said...

hey, it's more cushin for the pushin. haw haw! pardon my frat boy humor, but it's frat boy humor hour over here.

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ummm, yeah. that's why i stay out of pools. plus, i don't think i'd have the stamina or strength to last 5 minutes. 30 minutes rocks girl.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

You burned more calories and increased your aerobic capacity more with this sad episode then you would have if you were swimming like a normal person.

Brava! You are on your way to weight loss!

8:37 PM  
Blogger Michelle Ann said...

I love your bravery! There has got to be a less humilating way to lose weight...Question...did your swim cap have plastic daisies???

9:10 PM  
Blogger Vicki said...

TK, you are one funny gal! happy new year, the penis was a nice addition.

11:23 PM  
Blogger buffalodickdy said...

You're not gaining weight, you're just retaining vegetable juice!Buhahahaha!

3:13 AM  
Blogger magiceye said...

that was hilarious!

7:03 AM  
Blogger Harmonia said...

I have been working out for 2 weeks as well...something different everday...walking, step aerobics, dance, pilates, yoga, sculpting, situps, etc. I don't think I have lost any weight - altho I haven't checked...I'm thinking later this week tho. Wish me luck! :)

7:00 PM  
Blogger Crystal & Ryan - CafĂ© Cyan said...

I hear ya!! I thought I could easily tackle the swimming portion of my lazyman triathlon, but 2.5 miles of swimming is a lot!! Plus, I get motion sickness so boy did I feel ill afterwards.

I feel your pain...I'm also mostly a size 10 to 12.

Really though, running gets better. Trust me...:)


7:16 AM  
Blogger pinknest said...

just stick to squats. sheesh!! i'd be the exact same way in the pool. we should be swimming/choking buddies.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Valerie said...

I know that work out. It's my fav. 12oz is pretty heavy the more you keep going.

10:54 AM  

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