I just got off the phone with a friend who's very happily married and she said she has an old lover that she just cannot be friends with because it actually still hurts. It was nice to know that someone else still carries a torch for her ex. It's also nice to know, i'm pretty normal.
What's not nice to know is that this will probably hurt for a lifetime. and it is so true that the pain of missing him could turn in to pleasure if I knew he was missing me. With who he has now, I know he is not.
Therein lies the torment as written above...