Thursday, August 04, 2005

A letter to Bush

I'm not very political but even I understood this letter...

Dear President Bush:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, and Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, especially to all the people of the new country of Nuevo California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Opryland. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole'
Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the Red States pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the weapons of mass destruction turn up, but we are no longer willing to spend our resources in this dubious battle. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of America's export quality wines (don't count on serving California wines at state dinners, by the way - it's French for you from now on), 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high-tech industry, most of the U.S. low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sisters schools, plus Amherst, Stanford, Berkeley, Caltech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of the Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. Additionally, 38% of those in Red States believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and - hardest to grasp - 61% believe you are a person of deep moral conviction.


Nuevo California


Blogger Valerie said...

wow! so true!!!! let's go. You can be Gov and I'll be vice-Gov. =) hhehee

9:50 AM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

this is what i am talking about!

10:13 AM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

i mean, california can join it too i suppose . . . :)

10:15 AM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

Oh one would like my governess. no one could eat meat and all streets would be re-paved to make it easier to rollerblade...:)

What is that republic site? is it a new "nation"? i saw it's powered by nuclear for plutonium weapons - i'm scared! are you moving there beucase i'll go then.

10:31 AM  
Blogger barbieluvsu8181 said...

I LOVE to rollerblade!!

BUT I could NOT deal w/ out me some bacon. (I know you don't approve tanya, but I just can't help it!)

11:11 AM  
Blogger ads510 said...

can i come too? I guess I will have to move my ass out to California because we ALL know that I'm not going to get anywhere in Kentucky! :(

11:28 AM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

it's a dream for a future country called cascadia. it would be formed when oregon, and washington leave the US and BC leaves Canada. in some versions of the dream, california is included too . . . of course in others it is just northern california and in still others, california breaks off of the US (due to an earthquake or something) and sinks into the ocean . . .

12:00 PM  
Blogger dan said...

I don't really understand politics but found that an interesting post.

1:51 PM  
Blogger BSC said...

Make sur eI'm out of Utah before it's handed over to the Bush. Oh wait...damn, already happened.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Bahee said...

now now....Bush has his faults like everyone else...what i hate about politics though is no matter WHO is president there will be disagreements...I try and respect whoever it is that takes the role of President, cuz I sure as hell couldn't do it! The post did make me chuckle in a few spots though

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good post... thanks.

my site: mensa

2:27 PM  
Blogger scott said...

Wow nice work, but i think you need to take another look at that map. while yes california is a Blue state only the cities are blue. That makes it a bit harder to break off. And all those resources you quoted as leaving i am sure are conservatives as well so there goes those. Not many farms in the city. Maybe you can make yourself a territory like an indian reservation or something. Most all the blue states are like this.. only the cities are blue. While large portions of the population is in the city so is the majority of the black population who vote Dem. So your dream is a little miss guided. Lets not forget that 80 percent of the fighting force in the military is conservative anyways so no need for them to come home to you. Who will then protect you? What would stop those southern states... i mean red states from just invading the weak blue and forcing them into slave labor like the old days. COme to think of it your idea is pretty stupid and played out. You are just using the same ideals that the Slave states did before the civil war. They tried to leave the Union too. They wanted states rights though, so i think they had a better reason than you. And at least they were willing to fight for what they believe in unlike most in the Blue.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Shananigans said...

What's the origin of that letter? I mean, I always knew the liberals and their territories were superior, nut figures in the 90% range? I don’t know. Why can't we all just get along? I hate to say it, but I think the US will start to get better when everyone who got on the Republican Train around the time of Regan/Bush Sr. dies. I have faith in the youth of America! Or at least the smart ones who are making it through school, but the Republicans are doing their best to dwindle those numbers down.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

scott, i didn't write this and if you could decipher what you read you'd see that from my first line...

as i stated before i don't know much about politics but even as dumb as i am i can see our country's leader ain't much.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Park Gnome said...

Scottie, that's the best you can come up with? Threats of violence. Blues fight the right way - through the courts and elections, and not stupid brute force. You are another example on why we should have just let the south leave. We only keep you around because we feel sorry for you.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

Blue states, with 34 percent of the land mass, have 65 percent of the population, with a density of 151 persons per square mile. These blue states produce the majority of the nation’s tax revenue, but some $200 billion a year of their taxes flow to the red states and support the economic life of its small cities, towns, and rural areas.

I work for a the main tax regulatory agency in the state of California, and I see the revenue that flows out of this state to the feds, and what we get back.

So the fact of that matter is that we here in California and other states that support this country are tired of it. I can give you a good example: Say for instance that Alabama pays out 1 million in taxes and federal fees etc. They get back on the average three times that amount. Where as states like California, Washington and Oregon don't even get back half of what they pay in. The south will laugh at California but they sure like our $$$$.

So you see Scottie baby, this is a good reason.
And speaking of fighting for what you believe in....why don't you go enlist and fight for what George and Dick believe in?
Or are you a yellow bellied chicken hawk just like them?

And by the facts and figures are accurate. I actually read instead of watching Fox news like the rest of you good ol boys.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Pher said...

Thank you Senor do the Blue proud! BTW...I like that flag for the State of Cascadia.
I doubt that Scott will respond anyway. (Uh...misguided is one word in the Blue part of the country)

3:37 PM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

well said guan, well said.

you too peng. don't let anyone get away with calling tanya stupid.

she's not.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Pher said...

Did you ever notice that when something starts to go bad, people will say, "Yeah my car really started going south when that moron put mothballs in my gastank." Or "This country really started going south when Fox was the source of facts for most intellectuals."
Or did it really start going south when people just take themselves to god damn serious!

3:41 PM  
Blogger Pher said...

Ugh...I just can't let this go! I can't believe someone in college would promote the idea that it was good for the southern states to "at least fight for their rights" and "...i mean red states from just invading the weak blue and forcing them into slave labor like the old days". I'm surprised he didn't say the good 'ol days. Yikes! I hope this isn't the youth of America or at least not my America.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

unfortunately, pher, he is a youngun'...but that might explain a lot!

3:48 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

oh and thank you Tabitha...i love friends who 'have my back'!! such a good feeling!

3:49 PM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

Thanks Tabitha and Pher.
And Peng...yes...very well said.

This country is "going south" and it is sad that it has taken so many lives with it.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

well that's the key isn't it? most Bush supporters are "christians" are they not? And they LOVE the war!! they say they'd send their sons if they had to and if they died, well then, that was their job.

i dont' know. i don't think i'd ever send Kody over there. especially what were fighting for which IS NOT FREEDOM! why does everyone keep saying they're fighting for our freedom anyway? and why do christians love murder? I can't picture Jesus patting Dubya on the bac for this.

and yes Bahee, everyone does have something bad to say about every politician but this one is too easy...

3:52 PM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

Hmmmmmm yea....what would Jesus bomb?

3:57 PM  
Blogger julia said...

u dont have to give so mny reasons do u?

dis texan is Alfred E. Neumann
Hillary Clinton saw it

6:58 PM  
Blogger trish said...

What do I know, I'm Malaysian

11:42 PM  
Blogger scott said...

I am not threatening anyone. Just raising counter points. Playing devils advocate if you will. A senerio was played out in the letter and i played out another. My point is that while yes Cal. is a Blue state only the cities are blue while most the rest of the land of Cal is Red and that would make it hard for the entire state to leave the Union! Now if you want to leave i am sure canada will let you in or like i said before a territory could be established. To all those labeling me a war munger, or a so called "chicken Hawk" no sorry i think it was a "yellow bellied chicken hawk". Well no i am not at least i dont believe to be one. I do support the war in Afganistan and i tolerate and hope for the best in Iraq. If that makes me one then ...o.k yeah i guess you hit the nail on the head. I have high hopes and maybe dreams of a free and ( i wont say democratic) republican govt. in the middle east. I dont like that people have to die but that is what happens in war and good will (i hope) result from all this. These people deserve to be free just like the rest the world. We went to war in Korea to protect there freedom and stop the spread of communism and the same in Vietnam. In Korea 54,200 Am. troops died in 3 yrs. Vietnam 47,000. I like to think that those people died for a cause that this country believes in. We have been at war for what two yrs in iraq and only 1800 Am deaths. Thats pretty good. For all those who think they know me and are all ready labeling, i dont 100 % support Bush I did vote for him only because Kerry was such a punk swaying with whatever popular opinion was at the time i voted on what "I" beleived to be the lesser of the two evils. I am not a republican but I am certainly not liberal as well. What does that leave... an independant trying to make decisions on his core believes. I do believe the constitution and try to make political decisions from there. Thomas Jefferson said "It is our duty still to endeavor to avoid war; but if it shall actually take place, no matter by whom brought on, we must defend ourselves. If our house be on fire, without inquiring whether it was fired from within or without, we must try to extinguish it." This sums up me.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

well nicely put Scott. a heated subject, to be sure.

i'm just not sure what war we're fighting over there. I believe it's a supressed society but it is one of their own belief system and i don't know why we're over there asking them to live by OUR beliefs. if that's the case, we should be over in africa too forcing them to live like us so they don't starve and die. we'll build skyscrapers and homes and begin the destruction of thier environment and loss of wildlife and impose our lifestlye on them becuase we feel it's "what's best for them". 1,800 deaths is a lot. considering one of those might have been my daughter or son (or dog in my case). To say "that's not a lot" is so weird. say that to the parents who lost their child. they probably don't care if it was only their child and no one else. no one should be dying for a war that did not need to be fought. no one.

You tell me why we're at war? Remember: the original reason was saddam had WMD. well that was proven incorrect. So then they say We're fighting terrorist becuase of 9/11 - iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 - now it's we want them to be a more democratic country?? what the hell!!! if you had just stuck to one, apologized to the country for being wrong, maybe we could move forward but it seems we just cover it up and keep going. now we HAVE to stay to clean up our mess.

and yes, unfortunatly, i hated kerry too. slimebucket but i voted for him for the same reason you voted for bush...

7:34 AM  
Blogger scott said...

Didnt mean for it to come out the way it did. Yes 1800 is ALOT but i was trying to say that not in respect to other wars or conflicts (Korea) in which we fought for similar reasons. So, i am sorry for the way it sounded.
I agree about the whole WMD. But remember the intellegence that Bush saw was the same that congress saw and they voted in favor. It is the same intellegence Britain saw and they were for it too. The only countries that disagreed were the ones gaining Illegally i might add from Saddam. The "Demaocracy" excuse is just obvious we have been doing that (spreading demaocracies) since WWII. So why are people so surprised at that one. Oh last one Terror links no one said Iraq was linked to 9-11 just terror itself and there is plenty of evidence to prove that one. They had 1 terror training camp in Iraq and its well documented that Saddam himself was giving money to anyone who would blow themselves up in isreal.
People need to understand that this isnt just going to go away. Sticking your head in the sand isnt going to make it better. Extreme Muslims want YOU dead. Thats it point blank. You are not Muslim so you must die. They have declaired a Holy War on us and we are still just sitting back hoping they arent serious.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

There's one thing the Blue States don't get: the majority vote.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

that's my man!

12:55 PM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

tanya, i am a christian and i don't support the war. please don't lump me in with all the crazy asshole christians out there.
i try to shape my life to follow the peacefull teachings of a socially revolutionary man named jesus. that is my definition of "christian" but i hate using the word because it brings all these negative, political and social connotations with it that i don't want placed on me as a label . . . don't worry though, i'm not offended or anything, i'm just trying to set myself apart from what people think of when the hear the word "christian."
i think a good word for the asshold christians would be fundamentalists.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

Christians that aren't "those" type know who they are. you didn't need to piont that out to me...i know you're not like that Tabitha.

4:23 PM  
Blogger Park Gnome said...

Forget fundamentalists. Use hypochristians.

4:28 PM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

oooh, good one peng

4:28 PM  

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