Yup. Still hate my job!

I should call this blog "Oh my GOD will you shut the fuck up with the same story already!!" but i can't...it's called "Are you my mother?".

Kevin and i went to lunch today and i was bitchy on the way back to work becuase...well...you can figure that part out. He says "Hey...just becuase you hate your job, don't take it out on me!"

Then my eyes watered. He was right...i hate my job and i hate everything around me becuase of it. And what really made my eyes water? Is i feel like I'm giving up. I don't even want to try anymore and THAT'S what's sad. I'll just stay at the state til my ass matches the size of my car, still single and retire making half of what i make now.

YEAH baby!!! don't that sound like the ideal dream you had when you were 10?? Who wanted to be a veterinarian or an archeologist?? Not me...i wanted to be a state worker and DIE in that job! Hey..my dreams are coming true.

(subtle sarcasm, in case you were wondering)

So my lottery dream, that I spent the last 3 days thinking about, since it's at $199,000,000 (like an OBSCENE amount of money. I'm almost afraid to win) is as follows: Since time off is ALSO bad for me (read: drinking, sleeping, eating, robbing liquor stores...for the liquor) I thought "what would I do with all that money and all that time?"

Finally came up with a plan that would actually fulfill my spirit. I would buy the fattest RV, load Kody up and any one of my friends or all (via a payoff) and head to every animal sanctuary across the country eventually ending up back east to see my buddies. I pictured shoveling elephant shit for hours, building fences, loading hay in the feeder, ATV'ing them water and retiring to my fat RV to love Kody and blog about my awesome life that the Universe blessed me with. I really felt like that might be the answer! that THAT would bring me joy, a purpose, something to do that doesn't suck every day! And then i thought...whoa. could my alcoholism really BE related to unhappiness??? Becuase I couldn't picture getting drunk every other day (or every 3 days...sometimes i try).

But today i realized that there's something great about dreaming of a big lottery win and what your new life will be like and something bad. The bad being - you didn't win, you wake up and live Groundhog day. Again. The shittiest, suckiest, spirit-sappingest groundhog day.

But having hope, I checked my ticket tonight: $2. I spent 10.

Now i'm home drawing art on the wall with my feces...