Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Who hasn't done THIS once in their life?

I once asked a woman when she was "due" when she wasn't even pregnant. You only do this once (hopefully) when you quickly learn - not a good question to ask any woman. Ever. I just happen to be lucky; she had just had her baby. Most woman have that "3 month" look after giving birth anyway.

My friend, Katie? Not so lucky.

She told me the story of the time she went to the doctors for her regular physical. The nurse came in to get her stats and the usual information when Katie squealed the question "Oh! When are you due?!?"

And, of course, the woman looked at her and said "I'm not pregnant."

Katie told me she was so mortified at herself and did not know what to do that she patted her own belly and said "Are you sure???"

I mean, I know I can get flustered and not know how to back pedal sometimes, but to only come up with 'are you sure?'. That's like saying "Are you sure there's no baby in there because that sure as shit can't just be from food!"

So if you have not ever made this faux pas in your life, learn your lesson from this blog, smile nicely and tell the woman how pretty she looks today. No back pedaling required.

28 Comments:

Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

I was going to bring up this very topic on my blog from the point of view of the (for lack of a better word) victim.
I have a distended abdomen. I am having lots of tests done. My doctor thinks it may be liver disease. I also have sever swelling of may hands, feet and legs.
I went to a Chinese food restaurant a few weeks ago and the waitress said. "When you gonna hav you baby?" I was completely ashamed for being so incredibly disgusting looking that someone would assume I had to be pregnant. Then, a couple of days ago I went to the drug store. The girl behind the counter turned out to be an old school chum. She was telling me about her kids and then she said, "is this your first?" I'm kind of stupid because I asked, "my first what?" She replied, "your first baby silly." I cried all the way home. I try not to go out anymore. I mean, if two people said it about a hundred think it.

7:21 AM  
Blogger Park Gnome said...

OUch! I've witnessed one of those 'when's the baby due' questions.

My worse one was in high school, when I was selling frozen yogurt. I was trying to start a conversation with a cute customer and sympathetically asked her how she was doing since it was obvious she had just had her wisdom teeth pulled. "I just have a fat face," was her reply. And I'm still just as smooth with women today. Gosh!

7:38 AM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

oh no..that's horrible!!! I'm so sorry veggie babe. I had a friend who had that too but hers was a benign tumor. that could be all it is...

why on earth would you have liver disease???

7:45 AM  
Blogger PapaPeters said...

Oh wow the stories we tell, I've never stuck my foot in my mouth. No actually I 'm a classic foot in mouth guy. The worst I can remember was when I asked about someone's baby when they had had an abortion (i didn't know I just knew they had been pregnant) I felt real bad when she started crying right there. You know what they say about assuming.

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Julie said...

I was a teenager when I made the faux pas m'self. I covered it up with "Oh, you're just glowing so radiantly, I assumed you must be expecting."

Prettey sharp for a 16-year-old stoner, eh?

8:32 AM  
Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

Liver disease as in hepatitis, I have a few symptoms. But, there's no way that I could have picked up that one! It's got to be something else.

9:31 AM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

oooh . . . don't ya hate it when you just wish you could grab those words out of the air and put them right back in your mouth?
i used to date this guy whose little brother was developmentally delayed and i used the word retarded in front of him a few times and man, i wanted the ground to swallow me up!

10:18 AM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

I was really bloated and had bad gas from three burritos from Taco Bell, but it passed.

10:21 AM  
Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

I've never asked anyone that question because I've been with friends who have...

10:27 AM  
Blogger Bahee said...

LMAO!! OK...this happened to ME!! Exactly like this too. A guy was outside of Applebee's selling magazines and I was waiting on the rest of my family. He walks over and starts conversation and says "when are you due?" And sure as shit when I said I wasn't pregnant he said "are you sure?" MOTHERFUCKER! I never wore that dress again.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

julie: smart indeed! i'm not even that quick now!
peng: fat face...sooo funny
tabs: I still do that! mine is the "gay" comment in front of..well...gay people.
pfc: UPDATE YOUR BLOG MISTER!!!!
SG: you could NEVER have a belly, you sicko runner, you!
Bahee: okay, that made me laugh. must've been a babydoll dress...

11:06 AM  
Blogger ramblin' girl said...

in an effort to avoid being in this situation, I hung out with my obviously pregnant friend (she was 5 months along) for hours the night she and her husband invited me to dinner... to tell me the news.

I toured their new house, chatted over dinner. sat there after we were done. when she said something like, I have news... really??

after they told me, I said I had suspected for about 4 months, ever since she had said some off-hand comment about not being able to travel for a friend's wedding. we laughed about the way you just CAN'T ask that question of someone. no matter if you know it to be the case or not.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Shananigans said...

Luckily my excess weight is pretty evenly distributed, so people probably just assume it's fat thus I’ve never been asked that question. Also, if I think someone looks pregnant, unless it's really obvious, I'll probably keep my mouth shut anyway.

This reminds me of a little gem spoken long ago by my boyfriend’s sister (there are many such stories about her as a child). When introduced to a pregnant lady she politely responded "Hi, I'm M----, and you're fat!"

11:19 AM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

RG: I recently experienced that with a co-worker here who's always super skinny. but she was looking quite plump and i was too afraid to ask "are you?". She was but still...so weird that it literally hurt to not ask...

Shanani - i don't get it. she'd say "youre fat" to pregnant pepoel? that's kinda funny...

11:26 AM  
Blogger Shananigans said...

No, that just happened once. She said it to a friend of her mommy when she was very young. Apparently that was her first encounter with a pregnant woman and didn't understand that it was a baby inside. Either way, kids say the darndest things.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

ohmygod...it was a CHILD! That's so frickin funny!

12:57 PM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

Baby inside?
What the hell?
Who has been feeding you all this nonsense.
Everyone knows the stork drops them off.

Geez!

3:37 PM  
Blogger LoriLoo310 said...

My mom (a very skinny 100lb lady) said this very thing to her entire water aerobics class one day. "Well, it looks like I've joined the pregnant class!" All the ladies shot her a mean look and said "Who's pregnant?" She never returned to that class.

4:23 PM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I've made that mistake! It didn't go nearly as well as your encounter.

But I have a line that gets you right out of that jam:

"Hey, how far are you along?"

"I'm NOT PREGNANT!"

"Well, would you like to be?"

4:42 PM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

when my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister, one of my other sisters (who was about 3 at the time) patted my dad's belly and asked him when his baby was gonna come out too.


i totally had a friend who was 8 months along before she told anyone and i had NO IDEA until about 7 1/2 months. she hid it so well! and i saw her almost every day!

some friend i am for not noticing.

4:48 PM  
Blogger barbieluvsu8181 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:18 AM  
Blogger barbieluvsu8181 said...

OH MAN HAVE I EVER!! I did it one time to a friend of a friend. I ONLY did it b/c she was rubbing it! I was like....awe, when are you due? She was like.....I'm not pregnant, I'm just slightly overweight. UM SLIGHTLY?? (ok that was mean), but ANYWHO my 17year old sister did the same thing this past weekend, needless to say she was mortified!

9:20 AM  
Blogger Jaxe said...

LMAO! I did this EXACT thing at our 10 year high school reunion. A girl I flirted around with back in school came up and we were talking. She'd puffed up a bit (well! it had been 10 years) and I said "Congrats! When are you due" You shouldv'e seen the look on her face.

You could hear a pin drop in that place. All I wanted to do was stab myself in the neck over and over and over.

I will NEVER say that again. EVAR! Although wifey (who went to school with me) thought it was holarious! She still high fives me to this day!

j

10:45 AM  
Blogger barbieluvsu8181 said...

Jaxe OMGosh that is sooooo funny! GO WIFEY! I'd high five you too! haha! Well, at least you can laugh it off now. I thank God everyday that the lady I said it to isn't someone that I see on a regular basis.....now that'd be embarrassing!

11:46 AM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

what a great post...i'm learning so much about everyone...

1:31 PM  
Blogger Potted-flower said...

When I was 6 I asked a very fat teacher if she was pregnant. She wasn't impressed. Actually, she was very angry.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Never teh bride said...

I did this once as a teenager working as a cashier at a big mega chain store. What was doubly stupid about my faux pas was that the woman was pushing a shopping cart with a preemie seat complete with a preemie installed inside. She looked at me, like, "Duh..."

11:44 AM  

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