Tuesday, August 09, 2005


nothing like starting your day out with a little pap smear! YAY! "could you skooch just a little closer? ...a little more, more, mooooore...there!"

I think she wanted to wear my pooter on her nose.

I hate those things. Talk about being completely vunerable and experiencing humility, embarrassement and worry all at once. Crap! i forgot to shave! And i worked out and didn't have time to shower!!! Shit, shit, shit!

And why am i always so very cautious about letting my robe open? It's not like she didn't just see all my glory a few minutes ago.

I guess i'm just shy that way...

See? everyone was right...today IS a much better day....


Blogger Shananigans said...

Booo to the speculum and annual-humiliation-in-the-doctors-office day. Did you at least get a lolly before you left?

11:58 AM  
Blogger ads510 said...

damn...not a good follow-up to a crappy monday. Sorry! My least favorite thing about the dreaded pap is how she always tries to talk to me while she's in there. i know she's trying to ease my mind, but I'd prefer a get in-get out approach.

And since its a TMI day, I must let you know that I once had a gyno who talked to my cervix. Yes, I shit you not, she was like, "Oh hello little cervix. how are you today?"

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Ugh! I HATE the talking while the speculum is in. You know what? I'm not feeling particularly chatty at that moment.

I'm convinced the talking is making it take longer. Which is NOT cool.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

ohmygod...that is frickn' hiLARious! i think i'd laugh and pop that sucker out!

and then i'd ask to see his/her medical license...

12:33 PM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

you should have gotten a sticker (like when you get a shot they say "be nice to me, i've been shot") that said, "be nice to me, i've had a pap."

they are the WORST! well, maybe the "rectal check" is worse . . .

2:37 PM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

btw, i can't drink papst beer (PBR) because it sounds like "pap smear"

honest to god, i am not lying. that is why i wont drink it.

oh, and it tastes like shit.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

better than tasting like paps.

hahahaaa...i funny today.

i think i will get a shirt made with that on it...

and i DID have the worst done to me today. i just didn't feel right about posting it...a little TOO much TMI.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Valerie said...

OMG, I'm dying over here. I can't breath.

3:27 PM  
Blogger Senor Guano said...

Oh how I would hate to be a women!

I think any guy that gets a sex change to be become a women should get the whole enchalada. Nasty doc visits, spotting, cramps etc etc etc etc.

You all have to put up with a lot.
Nooooooooooooooo fun!

3:55 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

that made me laugh that i made YOU laugh!

yeah being a woman has it's good points, but men get paid more.

3:56 PM  
Blogger rebecca marie said...

i heard a joke once, a woman gets home and finds a note on the fridge from her husband... "snookums, someone from gyno college called. they said 'pabst beer is fine'"

6:02 PM  
Blogger trish said...

At least it was a "she"...its the "he" that get me all worked up.

12:25 AM  
Blogger barbieluvsu8181 said...

Gotta love the gyno...at least i have a girl now..I hated it when i had a male....talk about uncomfortable!

OMGOSH! you people are crackin' me up!!

ads-omg I would not be able to hold a straight face! I'd be like "what the hell are you doing!!"

6:56 AM  
Blogger Ghost Dog said...

My wife just had one of those; she hated it.
I would have done something special for her if I wasn't on crutches. I guess letting her talk about it was special. I mean, after hearing about it, I can't imagine too many guys who'd want to.

TJ: both great reasons not to drink that nasty stuff.

7:27 AM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

gd: word. nasty.


and when they don't warm up the "equipment" first! ack!

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Bill said...

Wow. And I though us men had it bad with the "turn your head and cough while I get to second base with your junk" procedure.

Plus, I turn 40 in about 4 years, and I'm told there's another particular humiliating procedure that I'll be undergoing every year. Not really looking forward to that. To quote Chevy Chase in the movie Fletch: "You using the whole fist, doc?"

9:29 AM  
Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

I hate them too, I find a good drink beforehand helps...

10:23 AM  
Blogger Bahee said...

I am too much like Graggy (my grandma) and am not afraid to just whip it out! HA, no I'm kidding. It is uncomfortable, but luckily I have a great gyno who lets you know exactly what he's doing in medical terms...that way it feels routine and not icky. "Okay, you'll feel a little touch here, and here goes the speculum, a little pressure, and we're done!" That's what I'm talking about! Although, my last pap had to be REDONE b/c they didn't get enough tissue the first time...now that WAS annoying!

12:19 PM  
Blogger PapaPeters said...

I also hate pap smears. Not because I've ever had one before (of course I have no pap haha) but because the sound of it makes me never want to use cream cheese.

2:14 PM  
Blogger captain_howdy_girl said...

I use to work in a doctor's office. Part of my duties included cleaning instruments. One time I cleaned the speculums and I was about to put them in the autoclave ( steam sterilization machine ) my boss came and told me we only wash them in soap and water. Just so you know they aren't that clean.

12:23 AM  
Blogger PapaPeters said...


6:14 AM  
Blogger tabitha jane said...

ryan! you've ruined cream cheese for me forever!

10:46 AM  

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