Day 4
i feel GREAT today.
yesterday i really felt like shit. i was tired, weak, VERY anxious and just wanted to go home. And i had the worst night too...
i am very much looking forward to getting home, curling up with my doggies, watching crap tv, kevin was going to come over and give me a long massage to work out the toxins milling about in my blood and then a nice hot shower and finally, BED!
when i pulled in to my driveway i saw my brother sitting on my porch. CRAP! becuase i know this means tons of beer, cigarettes, noise, tv on all night long...just a general distraction . i open the garage door and there's Besty! in the garage! i'm like "what is betsy doing in the garage"
"ii duunooo"
crap.
so i am so upset, my heart is racing and i'm not good with confrontation but what i want to scream is YOU CAN'T COME OVER TO MY HOUSE WHENEVER YOU WANT BECUASE NO ONE ELES WILL LET YOU GO TO THEIR HOUSE WHEN YOU DRINK! and THIS IS MY HOUSE; NOT A HALF-WAY HOUSE! I'm no angel, but it's my house and i'll do what i want. i pay a ton of money to live there...it's not for someone to casually take advantage of and that's how i felt, totally taken advantaged of. not a care in the world that i had plans or that i simply wanted to be alone...plus i had to feel all the guilt with being so pissed becuase he's my brother! i should welcome him in anytime...
but i didn't say a word. i just left to visit my neighbor and her newly adopted dog and spent an hour with her.
I had to take my brother to my other brothers house and that's when i told him how upset i was. he always apologizes which is unlike our family and i appreciate it; but, when i'm completely done my fast, i'll set those fucking boundries i suck at.
anyway, i did say i felt great today, didn't i?
p.s. Here's what i woke to this morning...
someone had a little trouble with the flaked red pepper. you can even see my VERY expensive Celtic salt in a pile on the cardboard....
here's a side view of the HEIGHT of the pepper pile:
yesterday i really felt like shit. i was tired, weak, VERY anxious and just wanted to go home. And i had the worst night too...
i am very much looking forward to getting home, curling up with my doggies, watching crap tv, kevin was going to come over and give me a long massage to work out the toxins milling about in my blood and then a nice hot shower and finally, BED!
when i pulled in to my driveway i saw my brother sitting on my porch. CRAP! becuase i know this means tons of beer, cigarettes, noise, tv on all night long...just a general distraction . i open the garage door and there's Besty! in the garage! i'm like "what is betsy doing in the garage"
"ii duunooo"
crap.
so i am so upset, my heart is racing and i'm not good with confrontation but what i want to scream is YOU CAN'T COME OVER TO MY HOUSE WHENEVER YOU WANT BECUASE NO ONE ELES WILL LET YOU GO TO THEIR HOUSE WHEN YOU DRINK! and THIS IS MY HOUSE; NOT A HALF-WAY HOUSE! I'm no angel, but it's my house and i'll do what i want. i pay a ton of money to live there...it's not for someone to casually take advantage of and that's how i felt, totally taken advantaged of. not a care in the world that i had plans or that i simply wanted to be alone...plus i had to feel all the guilt with being so pissed becuase he's my brother! i should welcome him in anytime...
but i didn't say a word. i just left to visit my neighbor and her newly adopted dog and spent an hour with her.
I had to take my brother to my other brothers house and that's when i told him how upset i was. he always apologizes which is unlike our family and i appreciate it; but, when i'm completely done my fast, i'll set those fucking boundries i suck at.
anyway, i did say i felt great today, didn't i?
p.s. Here's what i woke to this morning...
someone had a little trouble with the flaked red pepper. you can even see my VERY expensive Celtic salt in a pile on the cardboard....
here's a side view of the HEIGHT of the pepper pile:
posted by Tanya Kristine at 8:34 AM
15 Comments:
who is betsy?
(i think i missed something)
Try not to let it get to you. What I wouldn't give to have my brother show up at my house unexpectedly anytime. *hugs*
holy crap! thats a lot of pepper.
I completely understand the sibling issues.
Boundaries are essential. You are an Angel to us. Love you!
The thing that's on my mind...are you wearing underwear today?
Oh my God I am so studpid.. I FINALLY saw the pics. Maybe my computer was jacked. No it was me, definitely me. Sorry for the Queen comment. No, I take it back, you're forever a Queen. I have had those moments at Poor Reds and Pjs. What fun. Your hair is beautiful!Just like you, you Queen.
Princess Debby
"It's the protective ice" (Movie, "Mother")
hi autumn! Betsy is a dog i took in as a foster near the end of march. i posted about her a few times but this was before we "met".
valerie...i love my borhter no doubt, it was just bad timing and i'm a bit crabby since i haven't had FOOD IN 3 DAYS!!! (now 4) heh..hehh...
nessa...me loves pepper too! i could probably eat that about now...course that would Huuuurt! coming out!
i love you too Debby...and post for cripes sake!
Carrieeee...Noooooo....i forgot becuase i hate the bastards. let's pray today i be big girl and not poop my pants!
Boundaries... argh! Unfortunate to have to do but usuall SO necessary! Caretaking others has always been my "specialty" and it's only recently that I've been able do the boundary thing... I'm thinkin' you put up with a lot of $#*+ mostly 'cause he's your bro, but still... patience and familial love can only go so far. Party central needs to be elsewhere...
Hope you get that massage, TK, it will be so damn good for your body as you are still "fasting."
I don't blame you at ALL for being upset about Besty in the garage. ARGH times 1,000... that is so not cool.
Hang in there, girlie!
*HUGS*
Hang in there!
HOLY RED PEPPER!
:)
I did some more work on the board...have you signed up yet???
oh, no. i'm sorry for all the shitty-ness. :( i hope your day gets better. but i do have to say, that pepper load made me laugh out loud.
families can be so stressful . . . it's like here are all these people you love and are related to, but you are sort of forced to love and be nice to them and it doesn't make any sense, because if you just met them on the street you wouldn't typically actually even get along . . . am i making sense?
so, that wasn't your food in the picture?
i don't get what happened . . . in the pic.
wow, for minute i thought your were talking about my brother! the description is exact. boundries....a good thing.
thanks Kleo...you're so sweet. and a GOOD girl you are!
my borther must've been so drunk that he dumped the whole pepper mess on his pizza. "that's not mine!"
no it's not...4 days without food. but i watched someone eat their yummy bready salty warmed pretzel at lunch. and someone else enjoy their hot and delicious subway sandwich. and this super obese woman eat her burger and fries and shake from carls jr. that was kinda hard...i only have 3ish more days to go. i'm more than halfway there!
Pink...i acutally thought that was pretty funny too.. it's not like i haven't done something like that before. sad to say.
oh good Vicki! i'm not alone! that always feels better...right?
no harmonia. i don't get ti? but remember, i'm as sharp as a mrable, still.
Your posts are always so funny... The pepper was too much. Who would take advantage of our kindness if not for our family? Boundaries are tough with brothers. Be tough!
well what a nice, OPEN brother you have.
Ima fan of peppers too but that's a bit much the height it overwhelming. don't loose focus tho! Youre doing great
Teddy
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