a pondering day.
i'm pondering life today. i really hate when i do becuase that's when i get depressed. it's better for me to be ignorant and move about my life like it doesn't matter that i don't reach for any dreams i once had (and still do but they're stuffed safely waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down my deep abyss).
so i get up every day, do my business, go to work, do nothing, go home, do nothing, go to bed, get up and do it all over again.
is this it? i suppose it is.
i could consider myself lazy that i don't pursue my dreams. its' like being on a merry go round...i just don't get off. i think about getting off a lot; just never do.
and so i suffer from anxiety, depression, alcoholism, complacency - all becuase i'm too afraid to reach any further.
the lottery would really solve all my problems.
yes it would. don't say any different.
so i get up every day, do my business, go to work, do nothing, go home, do nothing, go to bed, get up and do it all over again.
is this it? i suppose it is.
i could consider myself lazy that i don't pursue my dreams. its' like being on a merry go round...i just don't get off. i think about getting off a lot; just never do.
and so i suffer from anxiety, depression, alcoholism, complacency - all becuase i'm too afraid to reach any further.
the lottery would really solve all my problems.
yes it would. don't say any different.
posted by Tanya Kristine at 12:10 PM
11 Comments:
Oy, it must be the 1966 thing, TK. I'm in the same boat minus the alcohol.
I don't think our situation is something that we need to beat ourselves up about - feeling the way we do is already difficult enough. And it's a merry-go-round of negativity that we NEED to get the hell OFF of. Soon.
What we should do (and no, it's not play the lottery) is look at where we are, figure out what it is that is/are MOST meaningful to us, and find ways to do whatever we can possibly do to get there.
That might mean finding and then gaining employment at a place that values the same things WE value.
That might mean taking a trip somewhere alone or with four-leggeds and/or two-leggeds and get recharged.
That might mean so many other different things... but maybe this is something to ponder.
Then again, i don't play the lottery, but maybe i should...
They say money can’t buy you happiness, I for one say it sure as hell can’t hurt! I’ll say it, working sucks and my life would be more meaningful if most of my waking hours were not spent in a cube in front of a computer. It’s not that I’m (terribly) lazy, there are tons of jobs I would love to work at for free. Like animal rescue or helping underprivileged children. Problem is most jobs like that people expect you to work for free, it’s called volunteering. That’s why you must be independently wealthy, doing the right thing almost never pays well. Win the lottery will, and then take over the world, ok?
Word girl! I think the same thing all the time. I"m wasting my days at a job that I"m tired of, commuting an hour each way and by the time I get home, it's time to make and eat dinner then get ready for the next's day work day then finally have a moment to watch tv for like 1 hour then go to bed. for what??? Ugh! CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!
There's gotta be more to life than just this.
And who ever said "money doesn't buy happiness", never was poor/struggling. So fuck them!
I sat here reading your post and I caught myself thinking "Holy shit, how did I post on TK's blog?" It's not just a '66 thing - add '64 into the mix. Crap, sometimes I just get so bored and fed up with stressing and worrying. I don't like my job, but I've been doing it so long that the pay is pretty good, I have benefits and it's approx. a 3 minute commute every morning. If I got a job that would make me happier, then I would lose some of my income, my benefits. Blah! Then how would I pay my skyrocketing credit card bills? Shit. Now I'm depressed again. I took a part-time job to help things out and I really like it, but the pay is barely above minimum. I can't survive on that.
I can't even dream about retiring. I'll never be able to retire. What am I gonna live on? I can't save any money - I need it all to live now! Yea, the lottery must be the answer.
fuck Tanya, can you depress us ANY more???? Shame on you. No more posts like that. Sounds like we are all gonna commit suicide. jeeezzz
:P
wow that's heavy. Of course everyong feels this way sometimes- part of being human if you ask me. You know what, I know you think you're being complacent in your life but the fact that every day you choose to eat in an ethically sound manner means something. It means a lot to me. At least something is exactly how I wanted it.
Teddy
You're lucky numbers are:
6,7,9,16,30,31
Well I do not know where I would be without you as a friend. You make contributions everyday of your life Tanya to those you love without even realizing it. I understand whole heartidly your heart as I believe our moms were twins. Our self esteem has been damaged and it is our choice to make our esteems the best we can and by doing the healthy things that we always talk about. I applaud the posting by KLEO. Get back to basics. Alcohol or not you have tools to help you.
xxoo
i know Kleo...I KNOW!! it seems i try to do this non-stop and it gets old telling your self over and over and over..."get back on the horse and try again!"
get off the merry-go-round of negativity...seems like i have non-stop free rides ; )
shanani - amen! i will win the lotto and we WILL take over the world! kick bush's ass on the way up too!
hahah valerie...my thoughts exactly!
Oh Carrie...see? we're not alone! lots of people feel the way we do! i'm considering a 2nd job too and that is so daunting! and yes, my bennies and pay are phenomenal for my situation..to leave that might even be MORE stressful! oy. someday i'll figure it out! i'm sure of it! or die trying.
that's true Teddy. at least i'm kind in my choices. i can feel good about that.
peter, if those are my numbers, i will give you $10! you lucky dawg you.
hi debby...that was sweet. i love you too, poo poo....i wish i could help you this weekend... : (
I feel the same damn way.
my new mantras are:
"make time for dreams"
and
"nolite te bastardes carborundorum" (don't let the bastards get you down).
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