Tuesday, November 12, 2013


This has to be one of the weirdest lives I've ever lived.  I'm hoping I had way more fun in other times. 

At 47, I feel kinda done.  I've had a lot of fun, raised and loved two AWESOME dogs, realized I'll never pursue my dreams, weeded out my friends, established a permanent family member or two, bought a house, paid my own bills, made pretty good money with only a GED, had lots of boy-love, traveled, met a lot of my own not-necessary needs...so...yeah...i'm kinda done. 

What's weird is at 47 I really shouldn't be done. 

A friend of mine always said he believes we're all born at our 'eternal' age.  His was 47 so he's still in his zone.  mine was 12. or possibly 8.  so I am way past my expiration date.  What do I want to do now?  I have no idea. Nor do I really care. 

At this point of my apathetic, misanthropic life I see a lot of angry, judgmental, passive-aggressive, selfish, self-centered, greedy people. I see tons of dishonesty, self-preservers, finger pointers and justifiers.  Cheaters, liars, deny'rs & desperation.  Disposing, transposing and just posing...predictable sitcoms, movies and plays.  Complaints between political parties about who's right; not about democracy or humane equality. I know I sound pessimistic; but, am I really? 

I, by far, am not perfect...but why am I one of the few people to say that?  I have no problem being judged and allowed to mull over that judgment to see if it's true, necessary and important.  Most people can't STAND to have anyone say "hey...you know what?  that's just not cool" because they go in to instant defense mode and immediately put up their pointer finger to ENSURE you understand that YOURE the problem; not them!


*warning* horrible segue*

That's why travel is so important.  it opens your eyes to other cultures; I've seen a bit personally in my life but one, from a movie, stands out.  "Beyond Belief".  I saw how those people lived and 52,877,599 words short, I became grateful that I had a flushing toilet.  That I had 1,100 square feet of home all to myself.  That I could make my own money, make my own decisions, live my own life..

but STILL at 47...I think I've done it all.  I've loved, I've laughed, I've traveled, I've fought for animal rights, I've done illegal things, I've held a job, i've donated more than most, I've snowboarded, ive snorted, I've owned a new car, I've seen the red sox win world series - multiple times, I've survived bad relationships, bad movies, bad milk and bad fashions...I think...I think I've done waaaaaaaaaay more than 98% of the population.

I'm pretty good. 

If a miracle comes my way...well...I might make it to 50.