a secret...

Wanna know how to make me feel insignificant AND old?

Last night in class this woman came looking for me on break. As i was walking by she yelled "Trish!" Why i stopped and looked is beyond me...i just assume any yelling of a name that begins with "T" is about me.

And it was.

Then she handed me a magazine called More. For women over 40.

Uumm....I still read Shape, you bitch.

aNOTHER diet.

i'm sure you're getting tired of hearing me claim my resolve to lose these last 10 pounds* since i've been blogging for almost 2 years now. So THIS time i really mean it.

and to prove it, my friend, whom you may know as Welly since i used to change names to protect the innocent but her real name is Kelly, have a bet. We both have to reach our goal weight by June 1st. The prize? A night in napa including dinner paid for by the (non)loser.

Now. She makes 3 times as much as me so if by May 15th, i'm not there yet, you can be DAMN sure i'm doing another one of my fasts so i get there!

of course, she did call me this morning to say she's "starting" our competition with a mocha and a scone so, i hate to sound like the hare here; but, it's lookin' like i got this contest in the bag. Better get my wine opener ready...

*also known as 20

Terrorist Attack?

Has anyone given any thought that maybe Britney Spears is actually a cleverly thought-out Terrorist Attack? Think about it...this country is obsessed with her! Including me! I dreamt about her all night. Not the way Britney wished; but, still...dreams galore no less.

If she wanted to shave her head, she could've done that at home; but nooooo....she HAD to have a salon open up JUST so she could shave her hair off! In plain view, i might add. Then there's rehab. Rehab, in - rehab, out - rehab in, and no doubt, rehab out...the media is going crazy!! TMZ.com has had more hits than they've ever had in their short history (probably due to the fact that i discovered them last month and go there 877 times per day), who can imagine people not wondering "what's Britney doing today?"

All the while Al Quieda (sp?) is infiltrating our "special" places. And, unfortuantely, we ain't got no Jack Bauer in real life.

I'll tell you who you put Britney with for a while...



"Look Britney! A shot of Tequila!!"

What do your friends think of you?

You can tell what your friends think of you by the kinds of cards you get. For instance, have you ever received the same card twice?

I have.

On several occassions. What's the subject matter, you ask? Farting.

And to prove i have, check out the top two cards upper left (click to enlarge).

I tried like HELL to find the other cards I've received more than once, like the old-time picture of a man in a space suit with the big glass fish bowl on his head stating "joe likes his own farts so much, he built a special suit for them."

I've had my share of mushy cards too because some of my friends/boyfriends do love me; but, give me a funny card anyday and I'm yours....

MY BIRTHDAY!!

So, yesterday was my birthday and I have to say it's in the top 3 as the most fun i've had like ever. last year doesn't count because i was in Ireland and no one can touch that.

I spent the day with my two best friends. And it was great because i got to do whatever i wanted and they couldn't say no. Personally, i think EVERY day should be my birthday because that worked out very well for me.

we started off with breakfast at Bernardo's. I forgot to take a picture of what i had so i just took a picture of what i had left.

here we are satiated and READY TO GO!



(see my adult acne? Anyone have product suggestions that will help super white irish acne-proned skin would be GREATLY appreciated)

First item on the agenda: liquor store for lottery tickets. I took a before pix because i knew there'd be a good after. because it IS MY BIRTHDAY!



yeah baby...$25 bucks! (I haven't checked my lotto ticket yet so if you don't hear from me in a while, you can guess why)

I mentioned maybe going to the casino and we said "to hell with it...let's go!" so we went. Janet won $200 bucks and i was pissed. it's MY birthday! But alas i had to squelch my selfish, bratty behavior and be genuinely happy for her. and i really was. i just wanted to be happy for me too.

we partied quite a bit there. see?


this is the waterfall in the bar which i thought was really cool. and when i win the lottery, i'm gonna put one of these in my 'bar'.


i eventually won back the money i took out of my atm and breaking even is better than not. This is the start of Janet saying how much fun we had and what a great way to spend my birthday and now we can go home, bundle up and get ready for bed.

Until i mention Poor Reds. "Try and stop me!" she says...so off to poor reds we go.

Poor Reds is famous for their gold cadillacs and they are delicious! But i start with Brown Cows (which is kinda the same; just made with kahlua) They are basically milk shakes with alcohol so you can see the deadly potential. i have many a black out nights there. but today i behaved. i am 41 now, you know?


aaaaand here's us AFTER our yummy drinks:

i'm always happy when i'm buzzed. :)

next round on janet and here are part of her winnings: >:( oops. guess i'm still jealous.



As we left, Janet mentioned how fun of a day we had and what a perfect way to spend my birthday and now we can go home, bundle up and get ready for bed.

Until I mentioned The Interlude.

GASP! "Yes!! that's perfect! we'll go to the Interlude, have just one and THAT is the perfect way to end your birthday and then we can go home, bundle up and get ready for bed!!"

The Interlude is friggin' great. It is a very old bar, with very old clientele, and good, stiff, cheap drinks. my kinda place. and the bartender was totally sweet and didn't charge me for my drink since it was my birthday. no one else did that earlier. cheap bastards.

here we are at The Interlude with a bourbon & water and my jack & coke (eeewwww, by the way)


We did really only have one. And we were going to leave and actaully make it home but we were hungry so we went to Hamburger Mary's for dinner and then JANET said "we HAVE to go to Tallac Lounge because THAT will be the perfect way to end your birthday night and after just one we can head home and..."...well...you know how the rest of the story goes.

Phew! we drank alot. But we had a blast. I felt 21; not 41 and that's all right by me. good night my sweet friend & lover. thanks for spending the whole day with me, thanks for making me feel special and thanks for paying for everything ; )

(the next morning we let kody have my balloons becuase he LOVES to mess with them...here he is taking them from my room to the hallway. he broke off the weighted string so the 2nd pix is him figuring out how he's going to get those off the ceiling so he can maul them. I helped.)

birthday

Yesterday was Kevin's birthday. So i did what people do and Kody did what doggies do:


How he got a pair of Daddy's underwear, I'll never know...

(and, yes, he got the year wrong...he's a DOG! It was 6:30am! Cut him some slack!)

You GO, peg leg!!!

Poor, poor Heather...being followed around by paparazzi. So much so she risks losing her LEG up someones ass! Butt look at that aim! i think she hit a bullseye!

What if it got stuck? Lord knows she can't afford her own lawsuit, let alone another possibly brought on by an angry bruised-butted camera man.

Today is V-day and my boyfriends Birthday. but I got the present ; ) Life is good.

Holiday Weekend

For stateworkers, that is...ha ah ahhaha hahahaaaaaaa.a.....

I was supposed to go to the gym today; but, i just absolutely could not make myself go. I'm sure I'm the only one who's ever felt that way :D (yahoo emoticons big grin is just way more appropriate)

Sunday, we went to Napa to see my cousins whom, one, i haven't seen since i was 16. She was here for a conference and it was really great to see her! after we had brunch at the silverado (hello! expeeennsiive!), we went for a 2 hour hike. It was really pretty...dewey, mossy, green, babbling brookey...my favorite place to be.






When we got back, we decided to go wine tasting at the Luna winery.

they SUCKED!

at least for me. everytime it came to do my pour, i'd get like a splash of wine. A splash! Now, if you knew me, you'd know how obsessive i can be over trivial stuff like this...so I watched this guy pour everyone else's taste the entire time i was there.

"one thousand one, one thousand two..." Pretty generous.

"One thousand one, one thousan...." Still, not a bad pour.

"One thousand one, one thousand two, o...." Whoa! He's a giver!

then mine: "On...."

WTF? I'm paying $15 just like everyone else! And this happened to all my pours...i just cannot tell you how disturbed I was. Was it my adult acne that offended him? The hillbilly shirt, for someone god-forsaken unknown reason, i decided to wear to this wealthy community? The worst part was I was with my cousins who rarely see me. Their last experience of me was when my mom kicked me out at 16, sick of my partying, and sent me to live with these lovely folk. and belive me, my partying didn't stop when i lived there...so how am i supposed to go off on this guy over alcohol? Problem at 16 aaaaand still a problem at 40...yes.

Well, eventually I had to let it go so i could enjoy their company in these last few moments. And i did feel kinda buzzed so maybe he just gave me the finer wine. Besides, the pizza parlour we had dinner at overflowethed my beer glass...thanks New York Style Pizza place...

Possible fathers for Anna Nicole's Baby

Howard K. Stern
Larry Birkhead
Prince Frederick Von Anhalt
Sperm of 90 year old dead husband
Hugh Hefner
Howard Stern, disc jockey
Bill Clinton
The alien at area 51
Elvis Presley
a lesbian affair gone oddly wrong
William Hung
my boyfriend
my neutered dog
Flavor Flav
Osama bin Laden
Bugs Bunny

Oh the list could go on and on. Our obsession with this woman is odd to me. No one paid her much mind when she was alive except to make fun of her slurry, boobified, squeaky-voiced ass. No one. All of a sudden, she's this amazing woman that the world is grieving over? I don't understand.

BUT, if there's any chance i can get ahold of some of that fortune, then, I must do the right thing and step forward as the father of Dannielle. Come to daddy, baby...

a funny for a friday...

Don't anyone worry about me...

...just because i was on my death bed the last two days...i'll be fine.

When i went to see my mom, i asked her to teach me to knit. Since knitting seems to be the 'in' thing...well, it was the 'in' thing a while ago.

anyway, she taught me to knit and knit i did. A grand ol' scarf....

I like to call this "The Tumor"


That was using size 7 needles with and an 11 every 4th row...it sucked.

but WAIT! i used the 11's and made the most beautifullest scarf....


just check out these colors...



pretty, huh?

okay...off to catch up!

They keep teasing me...

Your new version of Blogger is ready!

But i'm not sure i want to switch to the new version anyway. Doesn't look like blogger really got their shit together on there either.

Super Bowl this Sunday. I was invited to FOUR parties!!! that's 4 more than new years. What i really want to do is buy a keg just for me and watch the game at my house. Maybe pull a Heffernan and buy a big screen just for the day and then take it back before my 30 days is up.

parties can be confusing, loud and you don't get a chance to see the commercials. course with the world wide web i'm pretty sure you can eventually. So i guess i could relax and just get hammered. that's really what the super bowl is about anyway. especially with these two teams cuz who cares?

I watched about 10 minutes of American Idol last night. I really hate the way they insult these kids. i know "they should know what they're getting in to" when they audition; but, that doesn't lessen the sting i feel when Simon slams them down. Who are they to be such dream crushers? (Although the Panther Guy did scare me. But even HE was gentle about himself. sort of.)

i wish Kody could try out. I am most certain he would non-chalantly walk over to the judges, lift his leg and pee.

Good boy, Kody...good boy....