where've i been?

i disappeared yesterday and only I, (and many others), know where i was. It was a place called "hell".

God hates me. i was in hell yesterday and didn't even win the lottery to heal my hellish wounds. but for some reason i feel better that no one else won either...

crap.

It's friday - my 3rd favorite day of the week. i'm going to get a 2nd job now which is really no fun becuase i dont' even want to work the first one! but it's a waitressing job and if pay meant nothing to me, that's what i'd do full-time.

well, i'll put THIS down as the lamest post ever but i just have nothing to give today. nothing.

Dreena's Cookbooks!

I got both my cookbooks yesterday. Kevin says everytime he looks at me, i'm reading something about food. funny, because everytime i look at him, i see a buffet.

Mmm...buffeeeettt......

Today i'll peruse through them and pick out some recipes to try. and that's IT for my cookbook ordering. i'm addicted to cookbooks. I'm not much of a collector; but, if you came in to my house, you'd think i collected cookbooks and dog hair.

The lottery is at $90 mil. guess who's gonna win it?

Mendocino...

Aaaaah....who does NOT love the ocean??? Not me!! I mean...i LOVE the ocean..whatever!

it was a very long car ride and Kody was his usual whiny pain-in-the-ass self. but he's such a CUTE whiny pain-in-the-ass... He's wishing there was beer in that cooler; but, even if there was, mommy doesn't share...

i love this look. i can't get good pix with a $200 camera; but, you still get the idea:


Mendocino is a very lovely little beach town with darling little shops and cafes everywhere...and random splotches of beautiful flowers...

we found a super cute Irish pub where they were showing the World Cup game AND they allowed us to bring the dogs in...can you dig it?!?
this is kody right by my chair and this is betsy by daddy's chair...she's so spunky now!



above kevin's head was this huge, disGUSTING moose head ( i absolutely abhor those ) but what was hilarious is when Kody stood up to check out kevins plate, he saw'r it. he broke out in to a ferocious, deep, eardrum shattering bark...scared the crap out of the other patrons, which made me feel bad but i was secretly laughing inside...he's so funny!

after the pub we went to the ocean and spent a few hours letting the dogs sniff, roam, play, swim, irritate others, etc...





Kody loves sticks. small or BIG:

We arrived at our campsite and kody was hungry; but, alas...the cupboards were bare my dear boy...

Oh wait...there is one empty CL bottle. that was my doing (see how pretty the mist is though?)


Awww...here's kody when i just felt it was too cold for him...

K, now if you really want to make fun of me, check out my lame-ass tent. In my defense, i asked the man of the house if we should bring the tent stakes but he assured me we wouldn't need them...I think 'ass' is the only part of assured i'm assured of...

You think THAT'S bad? Here's our lame-ass tent the next day...

top that off with the incredible too-much-beer-and-excitement fart smells and it's enough to keep one home.

See how irritated Betsy is in the said stinky lame-ass tent?

ouch...

i just burnt my protruding belly on the fresh-out-of-the-oven cookie pan whilst unloading cookies.

if that's not perfect irony, i don't know what is...

and what's the magical cure for GERD??

BEER!


and bicycles...


and two wonderful, funny men...


top that off with a reeeeeeally drunk guy, laying down in front of his house, with his sock on the fence, yelling something about homosexuals...


...and I'd say I found the cure for heartburn.

Because this morning, I feel grrrRRREEAAT!

It helps to wake up to this too:

my little baby, standing over me in bed, with my running shoe in his mouth...such a subtle hint, my boy...veeeery subtle...

acid reflux

more complaining at only age 40.

since i've done my 7 day fast, i now have acid reflux. let me tell you: that pisses me off! i wait 7 whole, long-ass, dragged-on-forever-while-good-food-was-being-served-and-featured-on-food-blog days for this??? and if you think i'm changing my eating habits to stop the burn, you can forget it.

what's happening to me? i used to be invincible! i could drink, smoke & party with the best of them. i could eat ANYTHING and brag about my 'iron stomach'. Now i have to choose the days i'm going to party and eat. and can't even be super undisciplined then!

this will not do. I don't like this merry-go-round ride; i want off...

my prison cell

but this is what keeps me going...

(click to enlarge)













Kevin has jury duty today. i want jury duty so bad i can taste it. i even went there and asked them to put me on the top of the list!! nothing! some people get called twice a year. i get shit.

i did, however, receive an application for FEDERAL jury duty. that would be killer...

Karma

my girlfriend told me a story the other day of her quest to get super white teeth.

A dentist in her neighborhood had a drawing every week for a free zoom teeth whitening and she had been entering her name for over 4 months.

she got sick of not being chosen so she called and said she received a letter frm them stating she had won the weekly drawing of a free whitening.

they didn't even question her!! so she went in, had her teeth zoom whitened and her after-care instructions were simply to go home and rinse her mouth out.

what they failed to tell her was water would do just fine. Instead she used a blue mouth wash and turned her pearly whites into sapphire gems.

she said it took a while for them to get it off and not even all of it came off...

i think she'll think twice about lying for the sake of beauty...

recharged weekend

Kleo was right. a good weekend might be just what one needs.

Saturday kevin and i did a 24 mile bike ride R/T to sunrise avenue where we had the BEST nutburgers in the world (after 12 miles in the hot sun, poop would have tasted good)...

on the way back, i saw a photo i could not pass up. kinda cool...i think i have a new career here can you tell what it is?

the bridge (hint) was the start of our ride home...It was almost a hundred degrees and i was tired. we still had to go to Sheilas for MARGARITAS! Course i magically found wind to do that.. we didn't stay too long but long enough for me to have 4 cocktails.

the next morning we had to be up by 6 to go white water rafting. that was not easy. i wasn't sick, just woozy and a tad bit scared that today might be the last day of my life. Hey...it happens! And it didn't help that our awesome guide spent about 15 minutes talking about every bad thing that could happen. Oars are plastic axes, the t-bar end is a weapon and can take your eye out, if you fall out be sure you can see your toes in front of you, if your foot gets stuck, don't even care if there is a rebar through your foot, pull it up anyway, etc., etc., etc. can i just meet you guys at the end?

we got on the water about 8:30 and it was really beautiful out. almost cold. we had a few loopteeloos (as our guide called them) but nothing serious until we got to Troublemaker. i barely started to try to paddle over the tumultuous water when i felt my butt slipping off the side and i began to fold like a bad poker hand. in slow motion i saw a strap i needed to grab on to but i couldn't get a grip. a million thoughts went through my head but none were of the instruction i'd received earlier on what to do if you fall out of the raft. and i ddin't care. if i fell in to THAT shit, i'm dying.

thank GOD kevin saw my dilemma, grabbed my life jacket and pulled me back in to the boat! my HERO!!!

that was the scariest part of my day. i was shaking and breathing hard and my heart was pounding. and i was nervously giggling. the rest of the trip was exhiliarting too but i never came close to falling out which is all right with me.

After the trip we went to Placerville and checked out this really cool restaurant, at the suggestion of my neighbor, called the Cosmic Cafe. they built this cafe right outside an actual mine shaft! and this is deep inside the restaurant: it was pretty trippy to think we were in a place that was very active a few hundred years ago. apparantely the whole town is haunted which kept our conversation lively until we FINALLY got to head home.

i showered, changed and tried to read but was out in 2 minutes...

off to check everyone's blogs now! it's monday, and i don't feel bad...yay!!!

a pondering day.

i'm pondering life today. i really hate when i do becuase that's when i get depressed. it's better for me to be ignorant and move about my life like it doesn't matter that i don't reach for any dreams i once had (and still do but they're stuffed safely waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down my deep abyss).

so i get up every day, do my business, go to work, do nothing, go home, do nothing, go to bed, get up and do it all over again.

is this it? i suppose it is.

i could consider myself lazy that i don't pursue my dreams. its' like being on a merry go round...i just don't get off. i think about getting off a lot; just never do.

and so i suffer from anxiety, depression, alcoholism, complacency - all becuase i'm too afraid to reach any further.

the lottery would really solve all my problems.

yes it would. don't say any different.

whole foods

http://groups.google.com/group/AR-News/browse_thread/thread/7f3fa49afd186a64/e8f8af48ce3071ec?lnk=raot#e8f8af48ce3071ec

this is an interesting article about an interesting man. I first heard of John Mackey via Viva! USA (i cannot remember the facts; but, i do remember the story)

A member of Viva! USA attended a meeting at Whole Foods where John Mackey was speaking and she spoke out, loudly, about the devastating way foie gras is produced and that his store should stop selling this product. He got pissed and they got in a very heated argument match - in front of everybody. he was pissed because, well, you know how animal rights people are: relentless, which probably means she had contacted him in the past.

but miracles upon miracles, Mr. (openminded) Mackey gave the rep from Viva! USA the time of day and listened to her side.

He is now almost vegan.

I find that amazing and hopeful that people can change. and i believe if people knew the TRUTH about what goes on behind closed doors for the sake of the almighty dollar and at the horrible expense of billions of lovely, innocent animals - many, many, MANY minds would be changed.

It's HUMP day!

my friend brought me a bowl of sour cream / cheddar cheese potato chips to sabotauge me. HA HAAA!!! you fiend!!! you can't tempt me!

i put them up in my shelf in case of emergencies.

i'm drinking a yummy 2/3rd's decaf 1/3rd caf coffee from starbucks. can you say heaven? i thought you could.

BETSY UPDATE! Betsy is a completely different dog. what once was just a rug for weeks on end is now a vibrant, silly, happy girl. she jumps on me (we'll deal with that later), she greets me with exuberance when i get home, she eats ALL her food without dressing it up or prompting her (which thank GOD is makig for solid poos instead of melted dairy queen piles), she follows me EVERY WHERE which means she's active and when i'm not active, she plays with her toys by herself.

i've never heard that girl bark yet. not once.

anyway, in case you forgot who Betsy is, here's a pix of her when she JUST started feeling better...




pay NO mind to the messy background, dirty floors and the pile of netflix on my table. i was JUST getting to that job when i took that pix...

can you see her tail wrapped around the chair? it's all the girl does now is wag her tail!

Eddie Van Halen

I used to be so very in "love" with Eddie Van Halen.



ever since this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=G_J9-QrHAhE&search=eddie%20van%20halen
video came out. (check out his smile after he sings "jump" so cute. and sorry i can't cut out David Lee Roth too)

He was breathless, sweet, shy, talented and amazing. I was glad to see his marriage lasted so long too...that's a miracle in that industry.



But when i see him like this:












...it makes me want to put my arms around him and tell him i'm sorry for his insidious addictions...

I wonder where he is now?




i had my "lump" looked at today. by 3 doctors no less...no one knows what it is so i have to have an ultrasound....yikes!

My final day

...i couldn't be happier, and only becuase i miss the flavor of food; the preparing, the chewing, the feeling that comes from eating a good meal. What i realize is how social and boredom-relieving food has been for me. when i would think of making plans with my friends, i'm like "crap. can't meet for brunch! or dinner! or cocktails even!"

what i also realized is how much bad food we really DO eat. Pizza, hamburgers, taco bell, oreos, mexian, msg, mochas, etc...now don't get me wrong...i LOVE all that stuff. but that's been my problem. Being without for 7 days has made me question what i really want to put in to my body. especially since i have felt so good the last 2 days. i mean euphoric too. and when they say you feel 'light', they aren't kidding. i felt light and clean and clear headed. i also had anxiety, dullness, hunger pangs BIG time & weakness. I have to say days 1 through 4 sucked. well day one wasn't too bad. anyone can go one day without food. days 2 to 4 were hard. i was hungry, pissed, tired, bored, impatient and almost gave up. but days 5 & 6 were indescribable. (have something to do with the fact i wasn't at work maybe??? how sad is that)

so, as a wrap up: I've lost 8 pounds; and, I've gained new insight on the stuff i put in my body (including alcohol *gasp!* and it's partner; cigarettes). I'm glad i did it. i laughed when i read Karens comment of how disciplined i must be. so did all my friends. and my boyfriend. and Kody. becuase i am NOT. i am so the opposite that it's not even funny. I don't know why i did this or how i stuck to it...i just kept telling myself it's only 7 little days out of my life. and every day down is closer to the day you can eat.

and now i can REALLY look at everyone's food blogs without drooling. and find great recipes in my vegan cookbooks to actually prepare and eat and feel good about it.

Yup. Today is my final day and i'm all the better for it...

Day 6!!! Almost there!!

I'm so excited that i'm almost done. i feel like i'm completing a 30 day fast! i can only imagine how enlightened one would be after a 30 day fast. but i ain't gonna find out anytime soon THIS year! 7 days was enough. although oddly enough, if i could drink V-8 the entire time i might be able to do it. those fresh veggie juices, in my opinion, are just nasty. yesterday, i had a carrot, cabbage, celery drink and had to PLUG MY NOSE!! to get through it! that's not good...

Speaking of yesterday, i went to see my girlfriends 10 year old daughter in a 3 hour play (ahem) and she was, by far, the best. of course, i'm emotional right now so i cry. like she's MY daughter. But she really was fun to watch. or maybe i was crying becuase we had 2.55 more hours to go...i did have my massage to look forward to.

that's right. i booked a massage and after i was done, i was butta. Sweet, creamy, salty, lovely butta...aaaah...oh!

When i got there, however, they took me back to the shower area and the Russian lady was telling me "Ooooh you have the best massage therapist here! you are really going to enjoy this!"

"Wow...that's aweome!" and i'm thinking to myself 'good! i need the best becuase i'm on a fast and i deserve the best. THIS IS HARD!'

"Here's your locker, your robe and towel...go ahead and get ready and he'll be with you shortly..."

I felt like ren & stimpy looking at her, blinking rapidly, not moving a muscle.

"Did you say 'he'?"

"Jes"

um...sorry no. there's something about being in a small, warmly scented dark room with a strange, handsome, most-likely foreign man rubbing my oiled naked body that makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. I know it seems weirder that i'd prefer a woman; but, go ahead - rub my ass. i can guarantee you "it" won't move.

So I gots me my woman! From Russia no less. She's rubbing my back when she goes "hmm...vhat's zis?" (is that german?)

"what?"

"hmm...zere iz a lettle lump here"

Instantly, i sweat. a lump? on my lower back? is that what my pain is from? cancer?? Now, she's russian and speaks very limited English but i'm sure what she meant to say was 'oh i've seen this a million times, it's never anything; but just to be sure get it checked out. it's tiny and seems to be a small bone spur - no worries!' but instead she finds her limited english words of "Not good...not gooood..."

NOt good indeed. not a good way to start my massage either...but since i'm clearer with my fast, i tried really hard to put it out of my mind and enjoy the moment. because if i'm giong to die in excruciating pain from bone cancer, at least right NOW i feel great!

so it went on with little incident after that...and then i sat in the steam room for 10 minutes and that, too, was heaven.

i slept like a log and dreamt i ate a shit load of food. and then felt guilty and tried to realize this was just a dream and simply back track and go to when you didnt' eat. which i did. i love control in my dreams too.

what i need to stop doing is reading cookbooks before i drift off....not smaht.

So tomorrow might be hell becuase it's my last day on the fast and it'll be spent at work. yuck...but maybe the excitement of being able to eat solid foods on tuesday will be enough to carry me through...

thanks for all the supporting comments. really i think i stayed on this so i wouldn't be embarrassed to report to you, i couldn't do it. Not a bad bonus as one result of joining the blogging world...

day 5 - mostly water today

...because i hate juice. so i thought i'll just end the fast on water. and some jamba juice. and the juicer is giong back.

the mornings are really good for me. i dont' feel tired anymore like i do pretty much every single morning pre-fast. like 40 years pre-fast. it's when the evening creeps up that i start getting panicy and anxious. maybe it'll be different today since i won't be at work and can be busy doing whatever i want!

and yesterday i almost quit the fast. i really wanted to so badly. becuase kevin is moving in with me for 2 weeks while his son is away and i am looking forward to making him dinner and sharing good vegan food with him...i wont' be able to do that the first few days into our cohab; but, oh well. still. almost done.

thanks kevin for making me stay the course. you'll be rewarded greatly ; ) (assuming i'm great)

Last night my back was hurting in a weird way. it's like a heavy feeling. the whole lower back has the same uniform feeling which made my hypochondria flare up and i immediately went to "am i going to be paralyzed?" i believed that so much a shock went through my body...what eles could it be???

Today it doen'st hurt at all but Multiple Sclerosis is funny that way...symptoms subside, then return, subside, then you're paralyzed.

i watched a marathon of X-Files last nnight. i don't recommend tha during a fast becuase i had odd dreams all night.

oh and my throat hurts too. God this sounds like a senior citizen blog! but it's all supposedly "healing crisises" and i'm actually getting better.

i have a lot of work to do today and i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo incredibly greatful to the universe that i am not at work today.

still hungry...

Day 4

i feel GREAT today.

yesterday i really felt like shit. i was tired, weak, VERY anxious and just wanted to go home. And i had the worst night too...

i am very much looking forward to getting home, curling up with my doggies, watching crap tv, kevin was going to come over and give me a long massage to work out the toxins milling about in my blood and then a nice hot shower and finally, BED!

when i pulled in to my driveway i saw my brother sitting on my porch. CRAP! becuase i know this means tons of beer, cigarettes, noise, tv on all night long...just a general distraction . i open the garage door and there's Besty! in the garage! i'm like "what is betsy doing in the garage"

"ii duunooo"

crap.

so i am so upset, my heart is racing and i'm not good with confrontation but what i want to scream is YOU CAN'T COME OVER TO MY HOUSE WHENEVER YOU WANT BECUASE NO ONE ELES WILL LET YOU GO TO THEIR HOUSE WHEN YOU DRINK! and THIS IS MY HOUSE; NOT A HALF-WAY HOUSE! I'm no angel, but it's my house and i'll do what i want. i pay a ton of money to live there...it's not for someone to casually take advantage of and that's how i felt, totally taken advantaged of. not a care in the world that i had plans or that i simply wanted to be alone...plus i had to feel all the guilt with being so pissed becuase he's my brother! i should welcome him in anytime...

but i didn't say a word. i just left to visit my neighbor and her newly adopted dog and spent an hour with her.

I had to take my brother to my other brothers house and that's when i told him how upset i was. he always apologizes which is unlike our family and i appreciate it; but, when i'm completely done my fast, i'll set those fucking boundries i suck at.

anyway, i did say i felt great today, didn't i?

p.s. Here's what i woke to this morning...


someone had a little trouble with the flaked red pepper. you can even see my VERY expensive Celtic salt in a pile on the cardboard....

here's a side view of the HEIGHT of the pepper pile:

3rd day!

i don't feel as bad as i did yesterday. and my veggie juice was so not disgusting! i might make it!! i did almost shart yesterday....but it was a false alarm. i wouldn't put it past this fast to cause one to do that; but, i'm wearing underwear just in case.

i feel about as sharp as a marble; but, i dont' feel hungry today and that's GREAT news! it's Thursday which means one more day till the weekend and that's even BETTER news! i'm excited to see how i feel after 7 days.

will i feel like going to the 14th day?

naaaaaaaaaaaah....becuase right now i could eat lawn clippings if it were rolled up in a nice warm flour tortilla. hell, i'd just eat the clippings!

it's only day 3...

2nd day of fast

i am an alien.

i feel weird. i was vibrant and on fire this morning. Popped outta bed, made my baby some coffee, watered the lawns, did yoga, fed the dogs, took them to the park, emptied the dishwasher, brushed my teeth, made my juice, and a hot cup of tea so i, at least, LOOK american driving to work with mug in hand.

and now...ew. EW! i feel like crap. my head is kinda hurting, my stomach is knotting and i'm bored shitless.

well i'm bored shitless every day, so that's nothing new...but still. Of everything i read it will get worse before it gets MUCH better.

my biggest fear is: what if i'm not an alcoholic when i come outta this fast? What if I'm a strong, spiritual, wise woman? I can't handle that... i like wallowing in shit!! It's what I know! i'm familiar with it! I'm comfortable with it!~ i've become one with shit!

let's just see if i can get past day 2.

i'm on a juice fast too...

for my sins on sunday.

i'm veeeeery hungry.

Poor Red's

Saturday sucked. i was super depressed and unmotivated so Sunday i decided to let it all out and party my ass off. (cuz alcohol is really good for depression)

Welly* and I decided to go to Poor Red's in El Dorado. She made some lame comment that it was only 10:30 in the morning. the nerve.

we stopped at B.J.'s (you heard me) for a cocktail and some apps. It's dead..well...becuase it's 10:30. but we had a delish artichoke & spinach dip with a side of brushcetta...damn that was good.

poor reds is about an hour drive from sacto but it's a BEAUTIFUL ride and that's what makes it such a popular biker bar. which makes it okay to party at noon becuase that's when all the bikes are out and THEY party at noon!

The famous drinks there are the Gold Cadillacs. Apparently, they sell the most Galliano in the world. But on this day, we had the WORST bartender. the drinks were sickingly sweet and he wore his suspenders UNDER his shirt...helloooo?
Course he was like 102. I asked him for a shot of vodka to cut the sweetness and he told me "No"!!! can you believe that? I'm like.."we are in a bar, right"

"Too much alcohol in them drinks already. You can't put more in..." grumble, grumble...

i just asked for salt instead. meanie.

I went outside for a smoke when a pretty good size group came up on their bikes and one corvette. that corvette contained one woman: Barbara. Barbara was not afraid to show her breasts and show her breasts she did. many times. as did her friend... and according to them, the night before was only different in that the men were flashing their boobies too.

They were "gently" prodding Welly and I to show our breasts too but i'm not a flasher. any my bra is padded and tha'ts not really pretty to show that...i did, however, flash my belly button ring. i thought that was pretty riske...

so, it was a successful day. one of not very many in my life but i set out to get hammered, and by God, that's what i did. That explains why we went from this:
to this:


peace out...

*changed Kelly's name to protect her identity

Bathroom talk...

I hate my bathroom here at work. There is always someone in there.

When I worked in the technology division downstairs, it was about 1 girl to every 10 guys so I had carte blanche in the women’s room. That meant I could walk in confidently and know I could do my biz, whatever it might be, in peace. I could pee in peace. I could poo in peace. I could moan with relief when I waited too long to tinky in peace. Hey, I could even pick at my face in peace…(painting a very primitive & pretty pix of myself, ain’t I? Just remember how pretty my hair is…)

Not so in my new job. EVERY friggin’ time I go in there, there is someone just waiting to ruin my experience. That’s right; it’s all about me. So now I have to either wait for them to flush or I have to time the “rolling of the toilet paper violently” to mask any noises, which, usually is unsuccessful and I’m left with the choice of lifting my feet so they don’t know who’s in there or living with the shock that they heard me and every time they look at me they’ll think #2.

What’s worse is when you’re finished, you leave the stall, your boss walks in, and, even though the stall door is still kinda swinging from your exit, she chooses to go IN your stall and …well…do I really need to spell it out? Oh God…get me outta here! Why am I never stinky at home; but, am here??? WHY!

You know what else I hate? When you are the only one in the bathroom of 6 stalls and someone comes in and takes the stall right next to you. Hello? You lonely? Ever hear of Stall Etiquette? I’m not even attempting to do the “rolling of the toilet paper violently” and that’s your reward for making a choice that’s just oh so plainly wrong!

Here's another one…why do some people sit in a stall as silent as a mouse? What are they doing in there? Sometimes I simply wrap things up, wash my hands, dry them and lean against the sink with my arms crossed; waiting. Waiting for any sign of life, a noise, a movement (not literally)…anything! I shuffle my position to see if I can even see what they might be doing (a little too gross?) and they are, in fact, just sitting there. Doesn’t your ‘area’ get cold? Don’t you get bored? Aren’t you wondering why that person hasn’t left yet and why are THEY as quiet as a mouse? Any answers? any of your pet peeves or just fun stories?

You're WELCOME!

yesterday when i left work early...(YAY!!!) i exited the back door and saw a lady coming, pushing a mail cart. i went out of my way to kick my leg back to catch the door for her, broke my badge holder, kicked the door back so i could catch it with my hand and what does she say?

nothing.

i didn't do it for a 'thank you' but, come on! so, i simply said in a booming, cheezy, voice "You're welcome!" to which she mumbled some kind of thank you.

the nerve.

i tried the block on kody this morning. it really sucks when you're wearing black, magnetic, hair-finding pants. i went through TWO sheets of roller tape to get that off.

yesterday, i had a dr.s appt to request a mammogram. yay. i get my titties squeezed soon. it hurts more when you're small. great.

Big ass? Check
Big belly? check
Big mouth? check
male-loving, can't-get-enough-of breasts? uuuh...no.

oh well...i'm really charming!

it's thursday..mumma's getting excited...