Wednesday, November 30, 2005


I saw'r March of the Penguins last night and although it was so beautiful and amazing, it was very sad. The only good thing was their perils had nothing to do with mans interference. shockingly so.

Their instincts were incredible and it reminded me of when i was at The Animal Place helping them dust the chickens and spray their legs with a linseed oil concoction. I was leaning against the barn under an overhang when all the chickens came charging at me! i was like "what the shit was that?" and someone said "Hawk."

These little chickens have been crammed in a cage no larger than a milk box their entire lives, never seeing the sun or breathing fresh air and yet they instinctually know: big bird flying over head = bad: run!

Also, when they step on to dirt for the very first times in their tortuous lives after being rescued, they start to "scratch" at the dirt foraging for insects.

So when I used to justify the cruelties of factory farms, I would say "well they've never known anything different so it can't be all that bad"; but, it is all that bad. Becuase they know. They instinctually and intuitively know that they are unable to spread their wings and feel the sun on their backs or lean in to a fragrant breeze or scratch at the dirt and fluff it in their wings for the coolness...

Sometimes I forget how horrific it is for them in there; but, I owe it to them to remember and make others know. I'm so happy that i've chosen to give up meat; it makes me feel good that as rotten as I can be, I at least don't partake in that cruelty. I'm even drinking vegan beer now! yay!

If everyone gave up one meal a day of meat, it would cut meat consumption a mind boggling amount. just one meal per day. or hell, per week! The new yeeeeeaaar is coming...sounds like a good resolution to me!

Sunday, November 27, 2005

mom's ok

I should have prefaced my previous blog with the fact taht she will outlive all her kids. I predict her death at 138.

She came to and actually spoke Friday night; the night i left. Hmmm....I guess now i can say I am her least favorite kid of all 7.

But that's okay...i have other qualities.

It does feel so very good to be home. I missed Peng, Kody, my friends, my bed, my routine, my foundation.

Bellingham is very beautiful. I think i might live there if it weren't for the fact that i need a job. Eric (my older bro) and I got there Sunday afternoon and rented a car in Seattle for the hour and a half drive to b'ham. We partied before we left, on the plane and on teh way up. I know; very irresponsible and immature but what to feel when you think you might lose your last parent? When we got to the hospital, she didn't look good. Open mouth, labored breathing, weird impending doom smell...

I stayed in the hospital that night and the next but on the 3rd i couldn't do it anymore. that's when i went ot mom's and cleaned, baked, drank and watched tv with her doggies.

her brain swelling is down and, as i mentioned earlier, she has fully come to. But the trip ended up being about me feeling, again, like i try to be a good daughter - even though our relationship sucks. In her house she has pictures of my other brothers (excluding Mike, unfortunately - but he really was her fav) but none of me. uh oh...what is this salty discharge!?!?

Time for a drink!~ really waht i wanted to blog about last SUnday was Peng and I's volunteer day at the Farm Sanctuary in Orland, California (near Chico). Loretta Swit was there and i served her!

maybe another day...i hope y'all had a lovely, warm thanksgiving and i thank you truly for all your kind words and concern. "Family" has other definitions you know... ; )

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

can one get too personal on here?

I'm in Bellingham. I flew in on sunday becuase my mom is in the hospital. she has spinal meningitis. i've stayed at the hospital sunday and monday and last night i decided i did not want to stay there and watch her struggle to breathe.

so i went to the bar. and there i was the star becuase the whole town knows my brother. oddly enough i only stayed for two pints becuase the last thing i need right now is a DUI in my mothers car.

I felt like i needed to nest so i went to the store, got my faithful ol' six-pack and headed to mom's house. t was nice to party by myself (well except for the lovely company of mom's dogs). and it felt nice to be away from everyone, the smell, the sounds, the homesickness. I made banana bread, played with the dogs, cleaned the shit ouf of this place and had sex and the city in the background.

now it's a new day. I've fed the dogs, showered and will take about 30 minutes to work on this dread that's developed under my hair. i tried to work it sunday but mom doesn't use conditioner so i had to walk around with a "second head" on my neck.

Nice vacation, eh?

Thursday, November 17, 2005


My Goodness...i saw the movie The High Cost of Lowprice. Blew my mind...i had no idea...

Okay 2 rules: don't eat meat and don't shop at walmart. (hands off my starbucks! i have my limits! Unless they hurt rule #1)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


CORVALLIS, Ore. -- Now you may have an excuse for reaching for a beer -- as a health food.
Scientists at Oregon State University recently reported that the hops used to brew beer contain a compound that neutralizes free radicals -- the harmful molecules in the blood that can contribute to cancer and other diseases. The compound is exclusive only to hops and is not found anywhere else, the researchers said, adding that the compound is more effective at neutralizing free radicals than similar compounds found in red wine and green tea.
According to the researchers, craft beers such as stouts, porters and other "hoppy" beers have much higher levels of the exclusive free radical-fighting compound than domestic lager and pilsner beers. But don't reach for a six-pack hoping for a cure to all that "ales" you: The researchers said that more study is needed.

Can I get an "AMEN!"

Monday, November 14, 2005


Friday morning i went to starbucks in my jammy bottoms and, not highly usual, a matching tshirt. And, as always, no bra. In Starbucks were nothing less than perfect people. Two very handsome men and one very pretty girl. All coifed, smelling nice and ready to start their day.

Me: disheveled, wrinkled (clothes and pillow lines on face), and probably slightly smelly since i don't shower until i starbuck.

But inside of me feels beautiful so i hope to make eye contact to get the validation apparantely i still need. None. Got zippo. Zero. They looked right through me as if i weren't even there.

I resolved "That's it!!! I'm losing this last 15 pounds, combing my hair every day and brushing my teeth!"

I got my coffee while licking my ugly wounds and sat at the table near the door. But not before admiring my beatufiul doggie sitting proudly in the passenger seat, window open, slightly scaring passerbys, not taking his eyes off the very area his mum disappeared to.

He's so fucking cute.

Back at the table, I read this article about this world famous belly dancer who used to dance for kings and princes and performed at the World Fair. She was so popular, people climbed trees to watch her dance. and who, for the last 30 something years, has been passing out blankets and spaghetti to homeless people.

And then came the story about the woman who, while practicing on one of her helicopter flights to complete her pilots license, crashed and drug herself two football fields to get help.

she's in a full body cast and will resume her flight practice when she can walk again.

Suddenly, 15 pounds and hairy teeth seemed pretty trivial. But, then again, so did my life.

What to do with this one life? And why do these questions burn my brain mostly on Mondays? I thought i was smarter than this...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

She's not a christIAAAAAAAAAAANNNNnnn!

Well, last nights Trading Spouses was an incredible spectacle. But i do have an idea for my halloween costume next year.

Except I'll be screaming "She's not a veeeGAAAANNnn!" "She's tampering in animal killin' stuff!!!"



Monday, November 07, 2005

Ode to Bear

Undr likes to share his talent and, when he does, it makes me think of one of my most favoritest poems I'd ever written.

It was for my dog Bear who i got back in 86 and he died in 2000. I still can't read this dedication without welling up in tears. I might not have children; but, if the intensity is greater than that of your buddy, i dont' think i could've handled it...


"I’ll take the first one who chews on my laces,
since it’s so hard to choose among all these sweet faces"
You bounded right up and grabbed onto my string
So I bent down to love you, such a sweet little thing
I pondered and spoke "Your name shall be Bear"
Not knowing right then, the life that we’d share

Through good times and bad you’ve stood by my side
My silent friend whom I’d always confide
Your sweetness you’d share to all that came near
They’d love you and hug you and say "What a dear!"
An angel from heaven, my cherished gift from above,
How could I thank you for such a treasure of love?

Through my darkest days and all my numerous fears
You would gently and kindly kiss away all my tears
When things were too much and my heart was in pain
You would be silent and present and nuzzle me sane

I rose above all with you by my side
I’d look at you lovingly and sprinkled with pride
You are silly and happy and overwhelmed with sheer joy
For my happiness you cared for, my faithful old boy

Well some years have now passed; your walk has slowed down
It’s my turn to be there to help you around
Your face has grown gentle from the passing of time
I am so thankful to God that you have been mine

Your time has now come, and I have you so near
I hold you and whisper "You have nothing to fear
For I will be with you right down to the end
Because you are my very, my very best friend"

Yes I will be with you, as you were for me
I’ll be as strong as I can, while you are set free
Goodbye my sweet pal, off to the bridge you do go
To be young and be healthy as you were years ago
My sorrow is deep, your love nothing replaces
But I’d give my whole world
To see you chew on my laces...

Aw, shit...see???? I love you, Bear...xxxxxx

karaoke, laziness & the niners

That was my weekend. We went out with our friends Sheila and Bob Friday night for a few hundred drinks. We started at the Pine Cove, chatted and decided we'd go to Longshots; a hole in the wall bar the size of a large room. It was really nice there and, lucky for us, karaoke night. I sang Guns & Roses Sweet Child of Mine and rocked the place, of course :). Peng did his usual Suave songs with his suave moves. This guy near the bar LOVED Peng and danced with him while he sang. so funny. on Pengs second song, he acutally picked him up and swang him around. if you could only see his fact, i still can.

saturday i nursed my wounded head and ate my usual food. Togos hummus, kc bbq chips and ben & jerrys new york super fudge chunk. i always get my togos' last and when i did get there, Peng had already shown up and paid for my sandwich. now how fucking cute is that?!?!

Sunday we got up early, made bfast and headed to San Francisco to walk the Golden Gate Park with the Kodster. we ended our walk at the ocean and thankfully kody will not go in. too many sharks. back to our car we headed over to Divisidero and Fell where they have a vegan restaurant but not before we watched the niners at The Fly.

The city is beautiful. It was overcasty and cool with loads of hip people and sweet dogs everywhere. i had 3 beers, played pool and watched the niners lose their game and peng lose his cool.

then we checked out the vegan restaurant called Herbivores. ihad a grubbin' portobella mushroom sandwich...fabulous.

but it's monday and the fun of the weekend is but a mere memory of how fun life can be....

Friday, November 04, 2005

Trading Spouses

I NEVER watch reality shows (except the boot camp one) but when Peng said he actually wanted to see this one, i knew it had to be interesting.

So i watched it...oh my Frickin' lord. what i wouldn't give to be on the cutting floor at Fox. I am the master manipulater so i would probably be exec in about 2 months...although whoever is there now is pretty brilliant too.

please check out the video:

Okay...great example of a christian, right? "Get the hell out of my house!"

I think Jesus said that once, didn't He?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

lame-o turnout

Last year i ran out of candy...had to tell little kids, who shouldn't know about disappointment yet, that i had nothing for them. Made ME almost cry...

so this year i bought gobs of candy and had two visitors. Did they remember and just skip my house this year or was it Kodys ravaging barking at the window that caused the lame-o turnout?

If you could know the day you were going to die, would you want to?