yeah baby!

just got back from an hour and 20 minute ride to Goethe. and that was OVER the bridge and back. my average speed was 15.0 mph and i sweated. so I started working out 12 days ago and have missed 2 days since. i won't be working out tomorrow so i'm fresh for my 5K saturday. i dno't plan on breaking any records staurday becuase i really just want to finish the race. my first race.

I have to meet Dena at the sac county shelter since Panda jumped off a 2nd story balcony and broke his leg. Poor baby...she's got more on her hands than that...that dog cannot be left alone and tha'ts going to be a pain in the ass for her. i had one of those. excpet Bear could be left alone as long as he was in the house. Panda tears up the house.

Studying for my math test. christ. fractions? really?? I forgot about dividing fractions and that you invert them, then multiply and something else...what a pain. oh well...i'll spend the rest of the day studying that. my exam is tomorrow at 8:30. yay.

addendum: i didn't have to go to the shelter becuase Panda did NOT break his leg and Dena was in way better spirits.

I've decided to take probably 2/3'rds of my check to see how i do on less money and what's weird is, although I wasn't wealthy before, I never really had to check a price tag (sans a trip to europe). so now I'm penny pinching. I bought soil today for my tomatoes and bought the cheapest soil i could find. i guess what i've learned today is i am and was pretty greatful for my salary becuase before i never had to look at price tags. but that's okay...it's not enough to make me change my mind. : ) i think i can be happy on less. for now. but soon i'm gonna needs me a millionaire to make up for lost time, bitch!!! hahaha...

God!

I cannot wait for this damn trial to be over!!! i'm so hooked i can't really get on with my day becuase it's peppered with watching the live trial. I have two tests on Friday and i'm trying to study for but my desire to punch Jose in the face makes it very hard to concentrate.

Yesterday i rode my bike to trader joes, did some shopping and rode home. my groceries were so heavy (yes...the groceries, not my ass) that my back wheel was 3/4's flat. But it was kinda nice doing a "downtown"y thing like shpping on my bike.

i have a 5K on saturday so today i'm only going to run for 30 minutes and do other workouts the next two days so i'll be ready to run by then. I don't have much planned for today except some serious cleaning. god...seems like i do that every other day. Yesterday I made my Portuguese stew and it was fabulous. I'll have enough for like 5 days so i'll probably hate it by then.

I emailed United Animal Nations today to volunteer my services and time for anything they need in the next few months. i hope they call me a lot.

Off to study!

addendum: ran 30 minutes; walked kody AND showered.

holy shit. i just ran for 45 minutes. it was weird too becuase after the first mile, i didn't want to run anymore but i had already committed to 4 times around the park so i HAD to keep going. Then near the end, i no longer felt hot or tired. like i had just started running! they must've designed drugs to mimic the feeling when you run. it's kinda cool.

i'm going to the library today to get a book on Key West so i make sure i FULLY utilize my time there. i KNOW i'm going to dive and most likely kayak but i'm also hoping to rent a catamaran (guided of course - i don't know how to sail a catamaran) and spend the day going around all the islands and snorkeling. Kinda weird i'm going by myself but i think it'll be cathartic. And i did email my flight attendant friend back east who is going to try to meet me there...there is room for one more. I'm actaully more excited about the convertible. I think it's awesome i'm going to spend 3 hours driving to Key West down a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong highway surrounded by turqoise water. if that doesn't make me find the answer, i just don't know what will.

I have to go to sac city too and get all my transcripts for school. now i'm thinking radiology. i don't really like people so i won't care if they're injured but as a vet te3ch? i'll be balling my eyes out daily and for practically min. wage. not sure tha'ts the smartest move. we'll see. if i didn't work i could go for both degrees.

Hmm......my wheels are turnin!

Public.. Again!

I like my blog to be public. I like thinking there are many phantom readers and I like knowing there are a few that do enjoy my blog.

So I thank those that have asked me why I stopped blogging and i thank you for lamenting that i did.

For those of you that get ruffled when they read my blog, really...just don't read it. Growth. Different paths. and it's all okay.

friday day 7 in to my 2 month sebbatical

I had dinner at kellys tonight and i really had a good time. her husband Jeff is a quirky man...a good looking, quirky man that likes to have full-on conversations with someone i just can't see. But i know when he talks to 'them' i should be listening too, so i do. and every once in a while, he realizes i'm there and will talk to me too. i was very flattered and touched at his compliments about my writing. i am my own worst critic and my writing, to me, is always sporadic and unorthodoxed. But i'd like to think that it takes a highly superior being to understand me... : )

I was pleased to see him make fun of kelly like he likes to make fun of me. It's always with a genuine heart, feigned irritation and sheer adoration. that has got to be the highest compliment, like, ever.

yay for today!

it was such a good day today. i was going to help anna with her at&t setup but the mornign was already a whirlwind as soon as i opened my eyes. i scheduled as follows: ride my bike to my brothers house, ride to work, drop off our bikes, walk to the Naked Lounge, have coffee with Anna drive to the market, buy produce, she drives produce home and we ride our bikes to her house to get her at&t setup.

we meditated first for 25 minutes and chris really liked it. i ended up riding home about 20 minutes later, called Janet and we had game day at my house. i drank, yes, but i do not have that churning in my stomach of going to work tomorrow. of course becuase i don't have to go to work tomorrow. AND i have TWO full months to win the lottery and i'm sure it's going to happen. how could it not???

Jakes mom picks him up in about an hour and i'm glad to get rid of him. i love him to pieces but i really like it when it's just me & kody.

3:30am sunday

and i can't sleep. i've just got too much on my mind. too many things i need to list and begin for my journey over the next two months. i MUST figure out the Kanab, Utah trip. absolutely must.

Jakes mom is coming to get him today and i cannot be happier. i love that little guy but his barking completely drives me mad and we all know that's a very short trip.

i went to Jeannie's sisters house in folsom last night for dinner and had a great time! Ryan made the yummiest pulled pork sliders. i wanted to eat a hundred of them but i was massively full. carol's son Cory is HIGHLY unlikeable. he obviously has some kind of mental disorder or seomthing going on up there...he even irritated Brandon and that's not easy to do...awww..my Brandon. i ADORE that guy. they bought Logan a little battery powered push car and everyone was too heavy to ride it, since it's made for toddlers; but, not Brandon! hahaha...skinny little shit.

anyway, i don't really feel like writing. funny how when i wrote for my boy, it was funner to write but since it's just me? meh...

private

well, no one to read my blog but me so i guess i can be brutally honest and no one cares. not even kevin becuase he was glad i made it just for me.

so my 2nd day off in my reprieve from work. still euphoric; not worried, not a care in the world; yet. did some chores today, took the dogs to the park (jake & Kody), watched some of the casey anthony trial and then hung out at my bro's watching FOUR episodes of Nurse Jackie. He confessed to me that he had popped a norcal earlier. i can't say anything becuase i'm an addict too. and i understand that drive...it's insidious. brings us pleasure in the moment, shame the next and eventaully despair. sigh. as i sip my white russian.

Woo HOooooo!

Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn. I’m already exhausted from work & school and I only had to go thru roll call!!

Tonight I’ll be in school til 10pm and THEN I have to come home & make deviled eggs (Ina style- thnk you) after that for a work BBQ tomorrow!!!

I may bitch about how busy I am but I finally feel some sense of purpose and direction, and, although that’s new to me, I’m already in love…

blah, blah, blah blah BLAH!

Sunday is always a weird day for me. Today is no exception. I woke up slightly hungover to a text from my brother that he was on his way to my house to take me to the farmers market. I decided it was too precious of a time with him to miss so regardless that I didn’t feel 100%, I was going.

And it was really an awesome time. I bought lettuce, good olive oil, heirloom tomatoes, herbs, a Californian native plant and some fava beans. A pretty hot chick at the market, whom my brother was trying to pick up on, suggested that I steam the fava beans, peel off the outer layer and then sauté them in olive oil & garlic. That’s what I’m gonna do.

I chatted with Anna on the phone a bit later and she said the nicest thing to me. And when someone follows up a compliment like that with “I don’t really say that to many people” I knew it was genuine. So I’ve decided I’m going to really try hard to like myself. Not only did Anna say something nice to me but two other people over the weekend did too. One knew me and the other I had just met. A chick, no less! SO. Other people see me as something I cannot and do not see. And although I’ve been tired of how I treat myself for 30+ years, today it’s going to change.

Well not today because today I’m drinking. Speaking of drinking, I realized today that when I drink I toooooootally live in the moment. And really that’s the secret to happiness. So in a very weird and dysfunctional way, I’ve finally defined my drinking that makes sense. NOW what I’d like to do is figure out a way to live in the moment WITHOUT alcohol.

Lord. That’s some sporadic writing but I’m typing what I’m thinking and missing tiny little things along the way. I know what I mean and that’s just okay.

I’m baby sitting Jake for the next week and while I was looking at him while unloading the dishwasher I realized I saved that dog from certain death. I took him on as a foster, as old as he was, and finally found him a mom who adores him. That made me think of all the other dogs I saved in the last few years. Charlie – the black lab? AWESOME. Took him hiking in tahoe and found his future family while there….Betsy, sick & dying and who eventually went blind found the BEST mom she’d ever be able to find. Seriously. Jack, the dog I stole from the pound, found a family that actually started to like him more than the original family dog. I may not offer much to this world; but, if I saved ONE dog from death only to find happiness and love, that makes me feel pretty good. And I’ve saved 4.

The A’s lost and now that I’m in a rare moment where I don’t hate Kevin, I feel bad but the red sox are fucking kicking ass….yay for me!

Other noteworthy notes: Casey Anthony is fucked. And;
And I’m glad I’m not Casey Anthony.

Kind of a shitty monday

I had to say goodbye to Kevin this mroning as he left for his two month trip across country. I wanted to kiss him (just a peck) but i have a fucking cold sore. So i hugged him til i hurt him. It's sweet because everyone was sad that he was leaving...Anna met us this morning too and even she was a bit melancholy.

So i got to work late but at least I worked today which felt good. I left work at 3 only to come out to a $50 parking ticket and only to get to school to find out my class starts NEXT Monday. and finally, tonight i went to Trader Joes and that cute guy i saw last week was just leaving AGAIN!! i wanted to introduce myself to him but really...it would be hard to convince a newbie that the chick before him, the one in her sweaty workout clothes, unshavened legs, frizzed-out hair, no makeup and a blaring cold sore would be the one for him. So I let him go.

however, if he's there the next time i go to TJ's and i'm missing a limb, i WILL ask him out. I'm tired of being a low self-esteemed pussy. It's time I be a bit pro-active. I'm a catch! Despite my many, many, many, many flaws...at least i'm funny, right? well...at least i raised a good dog. well...at least i have a full-time job and own my own car. There...that one stuck.

so i'm a bit stressed about school & work becuase it's going to require a hugely fully scheduled week and i'm not used to that. some nights i won't be home til 10. hello?? two hours PAST my bedtime! And on those late nights, i have to ride my bike home, in the ghetto around lots of drunk people on the road. my helmet is old and so is my skull. I just have to hold on to the fact that it's only for two months. the same amount of time kevin will be gone. i can do this...

i can.

Happy St. Kevin's Day!

Taking Kody to the park with me bro to enjoy our veritable feast!

Stress

I've got a lot of things going on in my life: school, a new business, real estate, loneliness, etc., but I've found nothing really stresses me out more than not being able to find my tassi. I need my tassi. It holds my hair back and gives me a clean slate. when i can't find my tassi; i'm dirty. in more ways than one.

but. i shall carry on. i found my tassi; my skin is clean and now, i sleep. tomorrow is a new day of new stresses. I'm glad i carry some of the burden with my dear friend, Anna. : D yeah...that's what i meant.