15 pounds down

Not what i expected but it's better than NOT 15 pounds down.

What I AM surprised about is i do not miss alcohol. at all. Although i've fantasized a little about food, it'snot been as bad as the other 3 times i've tried this diet. i feel unbelievably 100% committed to staying on this to the end. And though i get frustrated and feel hungry sometimes, i know it is what it is and there's nothing i can do about it. i HAVE to finish this to the very end. A to Z this time...not A to P. (as i said earlier...i know when i'm repeating myself!)

Denas coming over today and i'm going to m ake her watch an episode of I used to be fat. now i don't really like people and i only cry when animals are involved but this show actually makes me cry. They're young, they're struggling and yet they have their whole lives in front of them. maybe that's why i cry. i was there once and could have done something different too.

can't cry over spilled milk.

But also these kids work SO hard to achieve their goal. it's inspiring. and it made me realize my workouts are at the level of a 4 year old. hahahah....when i can, i'm fucking working out 2 hours a day. you watch.

okay, one hour. but still...

there was supposed to be snow today in sacramento. i actually dreamt several times i woke up, looked out the window and there was a winter wonderland. kody was asleep by the couch and i gently woke him up to take him outside to his favorite surprise. But, alas, i woke up to a frozen tundra....yeah...Kody had a BLAST romping around in the frost.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeirdooooo

Oh God i feel kinda weird. Antsy, is a better word. I feel like packing up my bags and heading somewhere tropical. I feel like quitting my job and doing whatever i want. Damn house.

i'm hating the diet today just becuase. i'm worn out. I'm not hungry or feel like partying - just worn out. i have enough energy to baaaaarely get thru the day. maybe it's becuase it's a gorgeous spring day. that always gets my juicies going. we might get snow on friday and that would be so awesome. even kody's praying for it...

I just can't wait for the low carb part becuase that's when i'm dying my hair back to blonde. this color washes me out. it looks awesome the first week then bleh after that. i feel bleh. but whats cool is i haven't cut my hair in a year so it is SUPER long. it's getting stuck in my armpits! hahaha...

okay. off to be bored some more. anyone got any heroin?

YaYaaaaaaaa!

down 12 pounds~!

I LOVE THIS DIET! and this time i'm oddly committed. i'm not fantasizing about food (except couch night - fluffly, buttery, syrupy pancakes) or dreading the time left. it just is. and the best part is feeling good. i get so much shit done, i spent all day yesteday on Kody AND myself. with one little break from him to check out a thrift sotre in which i found a double-breasted hip length leather coat for FIVE DOLLARS!

Dena's coming over today to do more food shopping. she only has two weeks left then she's on to low-carb. she has no idea what heaven is until she gets to that point. and that's where i fail. that's where i let in the drink. oh i do low carb ... for about 3 days....then it's back to pizza and beer. but not this time.

i was watching a lame spin-off of the biggest loser last night called I used to be fat (MTV)...they have to do a program for 110 days. it was motivating how they made them work out so hard. i'm so going to start my workout when i start my low carb.

god. what a self-absorbed blog. off to stare at myself!!

: )))))

Dude

I have lost almost 10 pounds so far. This is way faster than the last time! I’m sure it’s because I didn’t eat much yesterday since I took a phentermine. But still…it’s a little alarming. I’m assuming by tomorrow my loss will have WAY slowed down.

I had fun yesterday at my brothers. He actually invited people over to his house to play games and I LOOOOOOVE games. Even Kevin came! They made fucking Papa Murphys pizza which really sucked because even though I wasn’t hungry, it smelled amazing. I had water.

Kody played the shit out of Chris’ beagle, Billy. It was hilarious! Billy would run in small spaces so kody couldn’t’ get to him…hahah….Kody was confused. It was really nice to see him so puppy-like and Kody really does not like dogs; but, something bit him good and he tore it up!

Since I’m sober I think I’m going to spring clean my house and scrub everything spotless. I might even rearrange stuff to give my house and life a different feel. I’m hoping to win a shit load of money soon so I can re-do my backyard. I’m dying to do something adorable and low-maintenance back there.

Amen.

It's a good day.

I must’ve gotten the right HCG formula because my stomach is doing that shrinky-thang. Or because today is my birthday and the Universe is blessing me early. Like the $44 I won this morning on scratchers I saved JUST for today : )

I’m loving face book because I’ve gotten like 50 happy birthdays! I feel so loved! And Kevin came over with an AWESOME gift and a funny scratch a butthole card for me this morning (he so knows me). We walked kody to starbucks and had tea & coffee.

Went to work late and my cubicle was decorated. THANK YOU SHARA! Just waiting to win the lottery tonight so I can pay off my 2nd, get a new car, landscape my property and take all the girls (and Kody. and my bro. maybe an ex.) on a Caribbean trip! On me!!

hcg

The HCG diet is a good diet. The only problem with this diet is you HAVE to follow it from A to Z. Not A to X or P, but, Z. I’ve NEVER followed this diet from A to Z. This will be the last time I do this diet so I’m committed to the follow-thru. That means when I’m 140 and feeling good, I cannot just eat what I want which is what I’ve done in the past. I still have to do the low carb for another 21 days, period.

It will be hard because it’s gonna be springtime soon and that means beer at every outside bar in Sacramento.

k

don't think i can get any fatter so i'm so ready for my diet.

and i'm so going to do it this time. i've done this diet 4 times and NEVER followed thru to the end. i just have to do it this time. i just have to.

i'm glad dena's doing it too...it helps to have friends along for the ride. although she only has to do 21 days of VLCD and i have to do 45 it's still good. i'm excited to get slim and feel good about myself. and get helathy too! i'm hoping to do yoga and mediate throughout this whole journey and maybe, just maybe, i'll find some peace.

Here I go AGAIN!

My HCG notice came today. i signed for it so it shoudl be here tomorrow but my start date is not until Saturday anyway.

So saturday and sunday are my "load" days where i get to get irresponsibly hammered (as opposed to...?) and eat like a piggy with zero guilt.

I'm just as excited as i have been most other times i've done this. except the last time. i was not excited, not committed and i failed on the 12th day. THIS time i cannot fail. i just cannot fail.

i'm hopeful but i also know who i am. i'm hedonistic by nature and that's always my downfall. fun now; pay later. I HAVE to subdue that bitch to get to my goal. THEN i can, in moderation, let her back in.

i'm doing this round for 45 days, 21 days low-carb and then back to regular eating. oh my god...i feel like saying "who am i kidding?"

No. NO!

Diet #17,483

I'm so excited to start this diet. I'm tired of putting on my old regular shirts and they are now half-shirts. WTF?? I'm not even grossly overweight? Just my fucking belly?!?

but i'm tackling my fat-ass TWO ways this time: Hormonoley and dietly. I know i've been here so many times that i can't count; but, i'm still glad that everytime i'm still hopeful and excited. it's when i lose hope and just don't care anymore, i'll worry. that HAS to be around the corner.

My friend Dena is doing this diet with me so that will be kinda fun too. She has shit to lose but whatever; misery loves company.

today i had a microdermabrasion treatment and the woman did a glycolic peel first!! i love her!!! that's so not included in the price i paid but i wasn't about to stop her. she also asked me "would you like a massage too?" Uhhh...NO!!!! She did tell me that she has a client that absolutely cannot stand to be touched so it's not 100% stupid. although not wanting to be rubbed IS 100% stupid.

anyway, i'm supposing the super bowl will be my last blowout. even though my birthday is coming up. who cares?