Friday, December 29, 2006

Did you know...

That publisher companies spend 8 to 10 hours a day searching through blogs to find talent?

I'm bummed becuase they only see my random thoughts like the fact that i called my girlfriend Welly* to tell her that we can meet for dinner tonight and that i'm hopping in the shower right now. She said "yeah...i just got OUT of the shower. I'm standing here naked." I'm like "Oh my God...I'M standing here naked too waiting to go IN to the shower"...and the thought of us both standing there naked on the phone, with nothing sexual intended, was pretty odd.

AND not worthy of publishing...such a shame.

Maybe i should call Playboy...

*again...names changed to protect the sort-of innocent...

Can I see your ID?

My friend and i went to a 21 & over bar/restaurant the other night. When our waitress came over to welcome us, she asked to see my i.d. (i always hate when i'm with someone and they only ask me...out of courtesy, could you please ask the other person even if they're 90?)

So, of course, my friend is offended and i say "Well, it's totally dark in here, i'm wearing my thug cap that hides my forehead wrinkles AND i'm looking down at the menu...awfully suspicious..."

What do you think?

Wouldn't you card me?

Along a similar line, one time I went to the grocery store down the street and, of course, there was some type of alcohol in my basket. As i was rummaging through my purse to find my Albertsons Savings card, money & keys he mumbles something about asking to see my i.d., or seomthing like that. so i look up at him and say "what?" and he said...

fucking get this...


NEVERMIND! I'm like " could have at least followed through on that prick cashier man...."

i had to drink my alcohol as soon as i got home, i was so offended.

Speaking of alcohol, I hope everyone has a lovely, safe, memorable & happy new year!!!

Thursday, December 28, 2006


Does this really NEED a caption?

If losing weight makes one look like that, i'll stay fat.

on to other unimportant news...i used to work in the Training Unit and my boss, Natalie*, was my best friend. (we were friends way before she was my boss) This other woman, named Jill*, also worked in the Training Unit. (i'm writing like i'm in 3rd grade but leemelone) So anyways, Natalie and i are no longer friends; however, I occasionally still run in to Jill who ALWAYS asks me "How's Natalie?" "See Natalie lately?" "You and Natalie doing anything for new years?"

and every frickin' time i say "don't know" "no" "nothing!" It's not that she always asks me about Natalie that really bugs me, it's that...Don't you have anything else to ask me???? Are you SO limited that that's all you can come up with? Even though i give you the same answer every time?!?

How about "How are you today?" or "Do you like your job?" or "My you're looking awfully thin lately..." do you see? It's not that hard to come up with different things to say.

But then again, i am the best conversationalist i know. I LOVE to talk to can one not? You never really run out of things to inquire about.

And THAT is the reason why i love bars. (it always comes back to partying, doesn't it?)

*Names changed so i'm not one of those people that get fired for blogging.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Who Killed the Electric Car?

Great movie...

I would recommend that you see it...I thought it showed ALL sides of the story quite well. It's more left but that's the right, excuse me, correct side anyway.

God we are a greedy fucking country.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


see how well my new diet program is going?

Summary Information
Timespan 6 Days
Beginning Weight edit 1#5 lbs.*
Target Weight edit 1#0 lbs.*
Current Weight 1#6 lbs.*
Weight Left to Lose 26.0 lbs.

Must be the weights i'm lifting...or those cookies i ate.

I'll go with the weights.

*#'s used to protect my dignity

Yesterday was really awesome. Kody and I (shut up..i am NOT a loser) went to San Francisco to walk the city. that way I can burn some calories - lot good it's doing - AND spend time with my boy.

as you can see, he's thrilled...

But my favorite part is when i'm crossing the Bay Bridge...i get overly excited and it's this view that turns me on

If I were SUPER rich, i would so buy a gorgeous house that's near the edge of the presidio, in the marina distict...that's built on sand so i'd have GREAT insurance. Here is a pix entering the presidio...they have these beachy looking trees that are beautiful. the pix does not do it justice but i remember...

Here are two is from the top of a massive stair run. One is of Broderick Street that is like Lombard, just not as revered for some reason.

so that was our Christmas. Quiet, healthy & together...we were both happy.

Monday, December 25, 2006


From me and Kody....

These are some cookies my mom always made and i veganized them. they are DELICOUS! and thank you Terry! These are the new baking racks i get to use instead of the one small one and that wok thingy i had to use. oh and the broiler pan too...oy.

AND of course the ever-familiar cookie protector:

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Secret Santa

My Secret Santa gave me one of these presents. Can you guess which one was for me and which one I bought in returned retaliation?
(Pepsi can to show actual size)

I kid because I love. And my victim has a good sense of humor. You have to to be friends with me.

Or are we still friends?

Speaking of friends, only one that's known me for years would know that THIS was the perfect gift for me:

Thanks Welly...

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

tidbits #3

I came in late last night and distributed gifts at work to those i love. and cards to those i like. and, immaturely, nothing to those i'm not fond of (it's my right)...

but my favorite Infamous Tanya gift was to one of my most fav's Lynn. She's black; she's hilarious; and, she's fun. I started off her gift with a lovely candle in a terra cotta jar that smells awesome. Then she opened her 2nd gift: Degree deoderant. 3rd: carefree panty liners 4th: christmas ornament from their office tree ( i told her she had to put it back ).

her 5th gift was a lip emollient becuase a few weeks ago she had her very first herpe outbreak on her lip. at 50. on the earth i wrote "this is for obvious reasons..."

by the "Please spread the peas" i wrote "but not your virus : ( "

her last gift was Almays Liquid foundation.

In Ivory.

God I love me sometimes.

In other news, my cubby neighbor cruises the personals and sends me the ones she finds funny. at least i HOPE she's finding it funny and not thinking that's what i'd be looking for!

Contestant #1:

Contestant #2:

finally, Contestant #3...and the reason why i will stay single:

Monday, December 18, 2006


I'm not much for Christmas. It's a holiday that stresses people out, makes single people depressed and glorifies consumerism.


I usually make zero plans for Christmas becuase i don't care. and i don't get depressed either. I rather revel in the fact that i get a day off from work. why WOULD i be depressed?

One year, however, my girlfriend Natalie invited me to San Francisco to be with her family. They live in the marina district and i love these people. They're very upper, upper class and who, by probably reason that i'm their daughters friend, love me too. My friends mother, Judy, is like a movie star...she's glamorous, proper and really has a lovely sense of humor. Her husband, Dan, is a golfer, quiet and genial.

I saw'r that Judy and Dan had got me a gift so i had to hoof it up to Walgreens and buy everyone a gift too! (ain't i nice?) Judy & Dan got me a beautiful feminine gift, as expected and I got them some bath stuff and a few manly items for Dan.

For Natalie, i got her a thug cap and a vibrator.

cap; and, a

It's a Homedics vibrator so technically it's supposed to be used to ease your tension. Judy, not sure how to react, just said "Oh my! know, Natalie, i can take that back for you if you'd like..."

I tried to say i got it for her to help her through the stresses of her new job, you know...for her neck and shit; but, i could not stop laughing.

SO, Tanya rules for gift buying:
= one HAPPY Holiday

Friday, December 15, 2006

lethal injection...'s been deemed inhumane to put criminals to death by lethal injection. Ciminals, mind you, who bludgen people to death or brutally rape THEN murder. Criminals who viciously and callously strip you of your life, your possessions and your soul.

But this is perfectly acceptable to murder millions of innocent animals this way.

yeeeessss....ghandi said you can judge a nation by the way it treats its animals.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006


When i do Yoga, I see things. It's always the same vision and i don't know if it conveys a message? Should I react? Tell someone?

This image doesn't frighten me; it more, like....anNOYS me...

anyway, what do you make of it?

Oh wait...say no more. it's becoming clearer:

yeah...i see how it is. you bastard!!!

always foiling my attempts to lose weight. Because he knows when I do that, he gets less "cookies".

But, at least he knows how to rest after a good foil-my-moms-attempts-to-lose-weight session...

love you, my little vision...

Monday, December 11, 2006

I'm fat.

as i look down at my feet in the shower, i notice either i don't have any or something is blocking my view.

of course, it's the latter and you know why. After i polish off this bag of oreos, i make a committment starting tomorrow of


Oh yeah...and i'm losing my hair.


Friday, December 08, 2006

White men canNOT dance

Kevin and i went out for Veggie sushi and a few Kirin's after work last night.

I wasn't quite done partying so I asked if we could go to 2 Me's for just "one" more. We drove over to 2me's around 7ish and parked in the post office parking lot, so Kevin could get to his p.o. box (p.o. is conveniently right next to 2Me's) i had to pee so bad i was holding my pooter like a 3 year old running to the bar. it was cold & dark and lonely on my run over; but, when i opened the door, the angels was warm, colorful, tinkley and inviting.

Inside i ordered two fat tires and waited for kevin. While i waited I noticed that some of the people there appeared to be remnants from an earlier office christmas party. you know...when all the cool people aren't quite done being 'festive' and they suggest heading to a fun place to actually HAVE fun?

yeah that.

Kevin finally came in and we settled in and played some darts, danced in place ever-so-slightly to the tunes on the jukebox when Madonna's Papa Don't Preach came on. Well, this one guy, from said party, came to the middle of the empty floor, with his EYES CLOSED, ARMS SPREAD WIDE OPEN AND SPUN IN CIRCLES! Of course he bobbled a few times because he was hammered. But i'm sure, in his mind, he felt so cool, so sexy, so amazing. when in fact, he looked totally drunk. Even his sweater vest couldn't help him out at this point.

So he spun some more. I felt like a voyeur staring at him but i couldn't stop. He did some funky ass nerd moves, stumbled a little bit, did the quick I'm-not-drunk recovery steps and continued to dance. then some girl came over to rescue him and then another guy came over and they did the whole sandwich-the-chick move becuase, well, they can.

i could've watched that guy all night. unfortunately two things were happeneing: One, i was getting a washing machine delivered in 40 minutes and two, you KNOW that guy was on his way 'out'. when you dance like that, as a man, you are

To give you an idea of what i witnessed:

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Office Christmas Party...

These can be veeeeery dangerous if one drinks more than one should.

i, however, was on my best behavior. really. my boss requested that i sit next to her so she could keep an eye on me. GOD! I'm not 32 anymore!

anyway, i did have 4 italian margaritas which are like regular margaritas with added amaretto. they were very good; but, they must've used non-alcoholic tequila & amaretto becuase after the first 3 i felt nothing.

and it's the 'feeling' we all go for - you know it; don't lie.

Not much to tell about the party - it was fun, loud, deliciuos, funny and strange. strange being this couple at work who started dating about 8 months ago brought in their own food to the restaurant. is it me or is that just shameful? they are not poor either...they're almost rebellious. Course i noticed they seemed to "find" some dessert that was actually paid for (and not by them) and i noticed they had cocktails poured in to their plastic cups reserved for free water. if i was the management, i would have asked them to take their food outside. how odd & rude.

later, we did the yankee exchange which i find very entertaining. there were no rules and i always love no rules. Eternally unlucky me, ended up with the SECOND TO LAST NUMBER!!! which, if you know about yankee exchange, is very good. i coordinated with #1 (who ultimately gets the last pick) to ensure she wouldn't take what i wanted. Most presents were pretty lame and when one would walk around to exchange the gift they just opened and didn't want, everyone would hold up their lame gifts, begging to be taken, as if they were in a 3rd world country.

I got the last gift and barely opened it while i walked on my way towards Dennis who had the gift i wanted:


Wednesday, December 06, 2006


check out this find from NASA

what the hell? they think it's from water. maybe a rock slid down the mountain.

anyway, besides that; why is the sky always black on the moon? don't they have blue skies like earth? I know THAT particular pix is from orbit but remember when armstrong stepped out of his capsule? do you see blue sky? no.

why is that!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

I yam what I yam...

nothing screams WHITE TRASH louder than an old falling-apart cozy hosting a 16 ounce Bud (in a can, no less)...

Sunday is typically my day to clean...the last 27 Sundays - i've just not been in the mood. but today, for some reason, i was. I had my ipod in (the one i fixed all by myself, shall i remind you) and my 16oz bud working.

throughout the day, Kody does his usual behavior and i, step-by-step, will capture them all. One of his behavior quirks is to simply wait in front of his food bowl as if to wonder "when she looks over, will she know that what i want is my dinner 3 hours early?"

and i do.

i usually give him the disappointing news that he has to wait at LEAST two more hours...dinner at 2:00pm will make for a very long evening.

but it's always super cute the way he sits there patiently (like he does when he's guarding my cookies) waaaaiting for me to notice him...

and THIS is why he waits right there: his food Tupperware holder.

(okay...counters are REALLY dirty; but, this was before i had got to them and to prove it, here's an after pix AND Kody's Food Holder, much to my surprise & dismay, is ALSO filthy; but, to prove i'm only white trash in my beer choices here's proof that THAT'S clean as well: )'s Sunday. off to ask the Lord, ONCE again, to forgive me of my many sins. (I ask Him to do it weekly so He's not overwhelmed.)

Friday, December 01, 2006

Chocolate Explosion Cookies

People are always giving me shit at work for my tender, kind, loving, intuitive, and caring ways, in the fact that I choose not to eat animals or animal products. (well, sometimes i have dairy but they'll never know - exceptthoseatworkthatreadmyblog...shhhhh)

So last night i decided to make Dreena's Chocolate Explosion Almond cookies for some of my more favorite co-workers. Except i used peanuts instead becuase it was too daunting to 'sliver' frozen almonds. and the peanuts were reeeeally good. Of course, Dreena warns you to keep an eye on the nuts when you're toasting them becuase they can quickly go from yummy toasty to icky burnty.

i got somewhere in between. Roxanne stated the nuts were "kinda bar peanutty tasting".

As i was making the cookies, i discovered I didn't have enough maple syrup for the "generous" amount i needed. crap. But i must carry on...for the animals.

Even though they had slightly burnt peanuts with not enough maple syrup in them, they were delicious! And as Dreena promised, I had my co-workers eating all their mean words about vegan food not being delectable.

here is the finished product: (notice the wok rack holder? i have minimal baking tools so i make do)

Here's another resourceful tool i found: a broiler pan on top of ramikin cups:

AND of course i had my ever-present helper while I baked my cookies:

AND of course here he is in the morning, GUARDING said cookies: