Saturday, April 28, 2007

tidbits #4 (or 5. or...?)

My brother is back. He's been "good" though...i told him no drinking and as far as i can tell, he hasn't...even though i've been a bad, bad girl. but my habits aren't up for debate and since I pay the mortgage, i can do what i want.

I ran in to my "ex" yesterday. He's so good. he's so lovely, gentle, sweet, comforting...what is it i want? I wish i could forget...we are staying apart at least 60 days to get our heads straight. I'm so neurotic that i love having him with me because he makes me feel safe & loved. But is that love? and is it enough? Is that fair to him? and what do i bring him? diversity for sure; but, they're not always good diversions. Anyway, no matter because i live for the moment and todays moments bring me a LIGHT RAIL PUB CRAWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So it'll be about good old fashioned debauchery minus the sex...i can't wait.

i just mowed the lawns and i'm covered in green mushy goo. (lawns were still wet) i had to de-spider my room because something is making a meal of me every night. yesterday morning i woke up with a completely swollen hand. not good for a hypochondriac. but i'm proud of myself becuase i made a doctors appointment, i just didn't go. and the swelling has gone down and i can finally see the bite.

Wow. i'm boring my self.

last week, after jury duty Janet and i went to Chargins for a couple o'beers and a couple o'games of cribbage. when i got home i made myself a bloody mary (and yet another) and watched an entire disc of sex and the city. i haven't done THAT in quite a while. I stayed up so late that even KODY went to bed before me:

night night....

Monday, April 23, 2007

Dear Diary...

It's Monday again. I got up really early (thank you, Kody) and made a delicious tomato/cuke/red onion salad that you toss with broiled ciabatta bread that has been drenched in olive oil and salt & peppa. (You eventually mix the two - I'm not ready for that so you don't get the final pix)

By the way, those veggies & garlic you see? Chopped by the Vidalia Chop Wizard...that's right. I've never made a salad easier than with my New Vidalia Chop Wizard!! And I didn't just get that, no! They also sent me a cool garlic chopper which makes chopping garlic a pain that's in the past! (I do miss the smell on my fingers)

Anyway, I also made me a delicious cup of coffee!
(did you ever think of posting, not only food, but everything else?)

Like Kody looking sad that his "cupboard" is empty?

He looks forlorn but really his stomach is full...bastard...tries to trick me every morning with that look.

Going backwards, yesterday my girlfriend and I got up early, had coffee and went to church. yes...i

But not just any church because i'm never fond of fire & brimstone...we went to a self-realization church that's really a place of complete calmness. and a bit of gayness but you just can't have everything.

After that we went to Ink to have brunch and what's better after church than a mimosa!?!
Then we ended up at Janet's house to play about 433 games of cards & cribbage and down a few Becks. Really...quite the perfect day. And the weather was like seattle...cloudy, gentle rain, sunshine, more rain...very beautiful. After that, I came home to a sober brother (yes, he moved back in), the red sox sweeping the yankees, a hot shower, a First magazine and, eventually, the back of my eyelids.

Saturday was great too! i felt kinda weird all day so i shopped to make me feel better. I'm pretty good about anesthisizing myself with stores and not bankrupting myself in the process. So, ...i shop at Big Lots and Dollar Tree. Later that evening, I was supposed to go to Michelle's house but i just felt so weird, lost & odd I really didn't want to leave my house. (ever feel that way or am i really that unique?)

She was kind enough to come to my house and hang out.

It was one of those total girl nights too: two bottles of wine, fine pizza to go with that wine, sex & the city episodes, a fire in the fireplace and dessert from the bakery.

Which Kody spent about one hour admiring. Although i have about 25 pix of him eyeing this dessert, i'll spare you with one:

Michelle tried to get some pix too so she called my adorable baby over to her side...she had him sit in an adorable pose to which he let out the most adorable fart. So squeaky and cute!

That's my boy!

So, diary...that was my weekend. (I would love to make it flow better but i have to get to jury duty). I didn't accomplish much by the way of my home; but, so what? I was lonely. I was missing my boy (my OTHER boy), I felt a bit lost...but I'm thinking with a little help from my friends, I just might make it...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Crapola. finally happened...I was shushed on jury duty.

SHUSHED!!! By my own jury buddy! In fact, some of the jurors are sure I'll be the reason for a mistrial. Hmph...What was I supposed to do? The witness wasn't answering the question properly! I know they're really just jealous because I call all the shots just before they happen.

Such as "Objection! blah blah blah"

I whisper "Over-ruled"

The judge says "Over-ruled"

"Objection, your Honor...blah, blah, blah...blah blah!"

I whisper "Counsel...rephrase that"

The judge says "Yes...right...counsel...why don't you rephrase that?"

I should've starred in the Catch Me if you Can movie...don't you agree? I could fake a judge's job EASY! Especially since I am a Judge Judy aficionado.

But sometimes they get mad because the lawyer will ask a question, someone will object and I really want to know the answer so when the judge over-rules, i make a success fist and whisper "yessss!!"

Yeah...maybe i will be the reason for a mistrial.

Anyway, after jury duty i went to Trader Joe's to do some shopping. I've been having a great day, i'm happy, chatty, successful, at my perfect weight, i love money, money loves know...the usual..

So at the checkout, this older sophisticated woman in front of me is standing there like a useless blade of grass while her groceries pile up. "BAG YOUR GROCERIES YOU LAZY RICH FUCK!" I say gently under my breath. But of course, she never does. When the checker is done with her transaction, he yells after her "have a nice day!" and she says nothing.

So I say "you too!". He looks at me weird and says "you too, what?"

And you know, when you have to explain yourself, it's lame. But i did. And the reason i answered FOR her is i didn't want him to be embarrassed becuase you also know that when you say something to someone and they don't respond, you look like a 'tard. So i made a joke of it.

He starts ringing my stuff and I, being the happy Secret-loving, strong woman, bag my own groceries. for my benefit, for Trader joe's benefit AND for the others waiting in line.

Also in my cart, is my back pack.

"What's in that bag?" he asks me.

I'm thinking...what the hell is in that bag. And i respond with the typical stuff: weekly calendar, makeup, lunch bag, tampons..."You can look if you'd like" I offer, thinking I'm misreading this person and he's just making conversation.

But no...i'm mistaken. He unzips my back pack and rifles through it!! Tell me, sir...what was it that made you think I'm an unsteady criminal? Was it the basil i just bought? could it be the fuji apples? The oranges, the muffins, the granola bars??? What was it that made you feel compelled to see if i was ripping Trader Joe's OFF????

But even more upsetting to me, as the tears build in my eyes and my newfound confidence melts away, will I survive if I have to stop shopping at Trader joes' based on another fucking principal i have...?

He made some mumbley comments and I blurted out "Well, it's not every day someone assumes I'm a criminal!" he made some excuses about not knowing store policies, he just had to check...blah, blah, blah...

Then he felt bad.

Which made me feel better. He apologized and said he should have never done that. No. You shouldn't have done that. This is East Sac, not the ghetto. I'm dressed appropriately, i have makeup on, I brushed my hair and I even brushed my teeth! So, you ARE right, Adam...but luckily you made me feel bad enough to come home and have a wound-licking cocktail!

so i thank you...

p.s. Here's what i made from the products I purchased at my arch-nemesis. A lovely vegan tofu, spinach, basil spread which i will eat for snacks at jury duty:

Sunday, April 15, 2007

oh. my. god.

I just got rid of my last reason (aka excuse) in my life to live my life below average. No more boyfriend (whom i adore, don't get me wrong), no more daily drinking brother living in my house who's been here for over a month and shocked the hell out of me at how much that affected my spirit, sanity, mental well-being, no more going to work Monday thru Friday at a job I really do not love and no more major needs for my house.

what the fuck am I going to do? I LIKE living below average. it's what I'm used to. i don't have to worry about not succeeding because i never try! Please Kody, shit on my rug! Or maybe I'll break a shoelace tomorrow! Maybe someone will put sugar in my gas tank! Surely that warrants a six pack and a few smokes, right?


I really am afraid to give it my best shot because what if I DON'T succeed? Then I'll certainly be the loser I always feared I might be. But I'm 41 now; not 23 with lots more time to fart around. So I'll do my Secret, I'll utilize my jury duty time to exercise since it GIVES me the time to do so, I'll be on my best behavior at the Realtors tomorrow morning which is a new career i hope to set the world on fire with....yeah...i can do it, right?

But before I go, i must share my last hurrah (one of about 17,883) with you.

The Bockbierfest at the Turn Verein. I guess it's Germany's answer to not having to wait an entire 11 months to have a huge blow out party - they just have one right in the middle. and it's the same as all the oktoberfests I've been to at the Turn Verein...we really had a whirlwind of a night. we got there, we drank, we smoked, we danced, we ate, we chatted and as quickly as we got there, we left. WE, my friends, know how to party!

hhahahaha!!! so, sit back and enjoy the slide show....

Us ladies before we hit the road:

Our first set of libations:

The Hall

Darling little German offsprings selling pretzels

The outside biergarten & food court (turns into a major smokefest but that's where the fun is!)

One of the bands on state... blurry, i know.

some of the dancers:

a disgruntled german guy

Now as we're sitting there, this guy comes in with his friend and he looked JUST LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY!!! he even had on my FAVORITE man outfit: black turtleneck, blue jeans. However, that huge smile you see on my face is because i had just finished my first beer ; ) Oh and i felt sorry for his friend. No one wanted to get a picture with him...hahaha!

and the last pix before we left. we were home in bed by 10! sheeeeit!

have a great week! i know I will...iknowiwilliknowiwilliknowiwill.....

Friday, April 13, 2007


i forgot my camera at home.

well, the pictures weren't real special like anyway...(say in a southern drawl)

So i'm at work today...bleh...but I think I can handle one day of work a week. In fact, after jury duty I'll probably still just work one day a week. : ) COME ON REAL ESTATE MARKET! i did receive the horrible news of the trial might be over by the end of May. i almost started crying.

Jury Duty: GOD i wish i could spill the beans. it's been interesting, scary, fun, relaxing, shocking, boring...all these emotions felt on the 16th floor. and i adore the schedule...8:45 to 3:45? yeah...i can do that.

I had to beat the shit out of kody Wednesday because he flew across the yard, jumped my GARDEN fence acting all ferociously protective of his domain against the invisible intruding squirrel and broke the stalk of my baby cauliflower. Fucker. i came after him like my mother used to come after me and he knew it. he drops his head so low his chin almost rests on the soil. I don't know why he does this because i really don't beat him. But i think he does it to pretend he's remorseful so he'll get a cookie later.

anyway, very effective that was as he did it again yesterday; but, this time he had the NERVE to whine because he couldn't get back out of the garden area! If a dog could be a dick, he would be it.

I'm single. Again. I hope this time it lasts because relationships are a pain in the ASS! I'm too old to be flexible so on my looking-for-a-man resume, it will state that I plan on doing what i want, when i want, and I probably won't be changing much, growing up and being kind either. YOU, however, must do exactly what i say.

any takers?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

You just wait!

I've got pictures and some more pictures to post...i just happened to leave my camera connection at work, which, as some of you know...i've not been for a while.

so hold your breath! cuz i'm important! MUCH more important than Michelle who has not been around as long as me and is getting lots of comments from MY friends...

No...i'm not jealous.

Friday, April 06, 2007

My last day of "freedom"...

...before i must report as a responsible juror. My brother is building my patio this weekend so I'm dubbing this weekend to be the last one where I can be completely immature and drunk.

My guess is I'll do it very well....

I planted Big Lot tulips in my front planter and they are retarded:

One's got no neck! it's just a flower! But they are still pretty. Don't you agree?

I also really badly want to pierce my nose. I think it's my last ditch attempt to pretend I'm young (still) and wild. But I am getting in to real estate and even I don't think that's very smart. So instead, I ordered a magnetic nose ring.

it lasted two minutes in my nose before i went NUTS! itchy, intrusive, too big....and i love to pick my nose, so it really was just not good overall.

However, I ordered Kevin one too so he could be "cool" when he felt like it and conservative the other 99% of the time.

Huh? what a "stud"!

Last Saturday my girlfriend Janet and i went out. Just for a couple.

It turned out to be one of those perfect nights out: No arrests, no fights, no black-outs, no dui's...(just things i've only heard about from others)

We started out taking Light Rail downtown so we would not be driving. I LOVE light rail on the weekends becuase it's here you'll meet people you'd never want to meet otherwise. Like LuLu, the second strike inmate who wanted to ask me a question. Can i have a dolla?

And riding light rail after hours makes me feel like a kid. Oooooh...we're moooviinnng!!!

So we went to a very hip bar called R15 where we played 3 games of pool...(cool pix, eh?)

After that, we walked down the our local Irish pub and met a fantastic Irish lad. He stayed with us for the remainder of the evening. Here he is playing the harmonica, which reminded me of my trip in Ireland. Every pub you visit, people sing! Old Irish songs, new American songs...whatever...they just sing. I find this very endearing. So thanks Patty for reminding me of those days...

and here we all are looking darling:

and goofy... (God forbid, i be left out of a shot!)

On to the next bar: ELIXIR

Here we met a darling married couple that just pulled up a table and hung out with us. i LOVE that! they were interesting, communcative, funny, and warm. why can't everyone be like that?

Aaaah....the image of 'fun'.

After that, we 3 merry (wo)men sauntered down to the neighborhood cafe and ate good food to nourish our bodies with stuff that the alcohol took away.

Well that's all...stuff i've been meaning to post so i'll just shove it all in to one.

I shall sign off with this...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


Oh i so know you want to know what the trial is all about but as a citizen of this state i am not allowed to divulge.

you'll just have to wait a while.

however...remember how i mentioned the Secret? It played a part here.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Jury Duty!

What would you get for someone who loves to watch Judge Judy and is obsessed with Forensic Files? I know you think she has everything in the world...especially when you watch her eagerly DVR her most favoritest t.v. shows daily (don't ask me why)...

Well...I would get her JURY DUTY!

Not just ANY jury duty...but FEDERAL jury duty!

So, although as gossipy as I am, I cannot discuss the details of the case that i WILL BE PICKED FOR. How do i know i'll be picked for it? BECAUSE I ALSO DO THE SECRET*!

*which I'll also discuss in detail later. After i get my million dollars in the bank and nab the perfect wife...i mean husband.