Awesome weekend...

..except for my heart attack Sunday night; but, I'll talk about that later.

Saturday was one of those lazy days everyone dreams of having but usually never ends up having. Kody and I ran to Starbucks to meet Kevin, who then drives us home (hell if i'm gonna run both ways). On the way home i saw a chicks butt crack because her bicycle spandex shorts were old...hahahah...i love shit like that! Then we saw a front lawn covered in plastic cows and flamingos and two neighbors standing there staring at it, mouths open in disbelief. You could see the upset in their faces that there property values were plummeting and there weren't a damn thing to do about it.

Kevin dropped me off and I just kicked back and cleaned my house sloooooowly waiting for 5:00pm to roll around so i could have the best dinner ever at my friends house! and i did. and it was. We smoked, drank, chatted and i was home in bed by 10. now THAT'S a disciplined evening for me.

But Sunday really was the big day. I couldn't be hungover for that!

Me, Kevin and Kody drove to the city and did the all-day city hike. Can you tell I love that place? we walked for two hours. I was unusually tired and the walk was pretty hard for me. i chalked it up to starvation.

Finally, we found a cute little 400 sq. foot. restaurant and ordered the perfect brunch. I had avocado benedict and Kevin ordered the brandy soaked french toast. (WHY didn't i take a picture???) Kody had some too. After brunch we walked another hour to a very cool dive bar in lower Haight and had an ever-so-lovely 16 ounce fat tire. Mmmm....of course i always want one more but alas, that didn't happen. So we left.

It's always sad to me to leave the city. i absolutely adore that place. why, why, WHY can't i win the lottery???

to mask my depression, i was in bed by 8. My heart was beating really hard and that's always uncomfortable. So i tossed and turned enough to make Kody leave. Then the pain started. It was a weird feeling in my stomach area and, thanks to God, when a woman has a heart attack it is very similar to gas or indigestion. Which i have all the time. But when the pain started to radiate down my arm, i got panicky.

Which arm is it???? Which arm represents a heart attack?? Aaah...good thing i don't have to worry about that becuase it went down the other arm. and then my jaw. and then i started to sweat....

Now, the problem with me is I'm a hypochondriac AND i have anxiety so either i'm panicking, have gas or I really am having a heart attack. and Kevin had my car so i felt even more isolated. I can't call an ambulance - LORD no.

so then i just thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die. I wouldn't have to experience the incredible pain of the day Kody leaves me, or i wouldnt' have to go to work anymore or curse the heavens that i never win the lottery...things were lookin' up! but the sucky part was i really didn't get to sleep til 4.

and i didn't die. so that meant i was just super tired. Kevin came to pick me up at 7 to go to work and i'm like "oh heeell no"....

Today i work. Today i blog. Today my heart beats fine...

Please help...

It is MOST necessary every once in a while for me to draw attention to issues that strike through my heart.

It is my ONLY hope that at least one of you would sign and/or forward this petition on to those who care too.

This is not a reflection on our troops in Iraq; it's simply handling things as they come along. We should care enough to act.

please act. and please cut & paste this link in to your browser to sign the petition.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/824381310?ltl=1169836360

We, the Undersigned, endorse the following petition:
U.S. Soldiers Taunt Crippled Dog In Iraq VIDEO.
Target: U.S. Army/U.S. Public Affairs Office
Sponsor: Sylva PenkovSignatures: 10,085
Goal: 100,000
Deadline: Ongoing...
See Full Petition
Email this Petition
WHETHER YOU SUPPORT THE MILITARY OR NOT, PLEASE VOICE YOUR OUTRAGE AT THE HEINUOUS DISPLAY OF CRUELTY CAPTURED ON VIDEO OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE 3 U.S. SOLDIERS, ONE HOLDING A VIDEO CAMERA AND TWO THROWING ROCKS AT A CRIPPLED, DEFENSELESS DOG. THIS DOG TRIED TO RUN AND ESCAPE FROM THESE MEN ON TWO LEGS.

PLEASE WRITE TO
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE


The Honorable Robert M. Gates
Secretary of Defense
1000 Defense Pentagon
Washington, DC 20301-1000

AND DEMAND THAT THE FOLLOWING ARTICLES BE APPLIED TO THESE MONSTERS THAT REPRESENT THE U.S.

Article 134-1 Abusing Public Animals, wild and strays.

Article 116 Breach of the Peace

Article 80 Attempts

ALTHOUGH SIGNATURES ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED WRITING A LETTER TO THE SECT. OF DEFENSE IS KINDLY REQUESTED.

I HAVE RESEARCHED SNOPES, AND LOGGED ONTO MILITARY PHOTOS.NET BLOG SITE WHERE SOLDIERS ARE VOICING THEIR ANGER AT THE INHUMANE AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR THAT WAS DISPLAYED ON THE VIDEO.

WARNING VIDEO IS VERY GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=6445f9fdd7

THIS IS A DEFENSLESS, CRIPPLED DOG THAT TRIED TO RUN AWAY AND ESCAPE (ON TWO LEGS) WHILE THESE MEN THREW ROCKS AT HIM/HER. THIS CANNOT BE MISCONSTRUED AS A VICIOUS ANIMAL WHICH THE ARMY HAS ORDERS TO SHOOT. THESE MEN TAUNTED AN EMACIATED DISABLED ANIMAL WITHOUT PROVOCATION.

THERE ARE FOUR NAMES AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PETITION TO ADDRESS YOUR LETTERS PROTESTING THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR. THESE FOUR
PEOPLE ARE THE HEADS OF THE ARMY PUBLIC AFFAIRS OFFICE.



I thank you!

Maybe I should've called him Calvin

I quite possibly could be unhealthily obsessed with my dog. I love that animal more than i thought i ever could. Well...minus the first two years of his life when i wanted to break his little neck. He's selfish, funny, a natural comedian, clever, prickish, shows signs of affection when ABSOLUTELY needed, boorish, and all kinds of other ish'es.

So every day when i come home from work, it's about him, him, him. (hmm...where DOES he get that from...) Nothing about the fact that i worked 9 hours at a job that numbs my mind only to earn just enough money to pay the mortgage, feed his ass and pay for the gas to take him on trips. Noooo. Or nothing about the fact that I'm tired and i just want to use my last bit of energy to sweep up all his hair and pick up the random things he's chewed up (never anything worth getting upset over...i forgot to mention he's highly intelligent) and zone out in front of the tube...that's all. That's all I ask.

Yet, somehow, when i come home - that's the LAST thing I get. What I DO get is a ball thrown at me where ever I stand and loud heart-stopping barks when I don't kick it back within a timely manner. and he tricks me here because sometimes that's a 15 second time frame and somtimes it's a good relaxing 2 minutes.

Oddly enough, I do adore his tenacity and insistence that I pay 100% of my attention on him. It's part of his multi-faceted and charming personality. But, sometimes I simply ignore him. I let him get through his barks of frustration and usually he settles down and goes to sleep.

Usually.

Sometimes he makes it obvious he is not happy with my decision to zone out in front of the t.v. by standing directly in front of me, blocking my view of the precious.

i find this very smart and funny...



(i had to BEG him to stand right there while i stepped one foot away to get my camera to capture what he does every once in a while)

Yup. That's another part of my boy that I share with you. Strange thing...as fun, funny & charming as he is, i canNOT, for the life of me, ever find babysitters for him...

I HAVE A POST!!!

Michelle would like you to remove the word verification on your blogs as they are not needed anymore. and for people like her, that are older and more hard of vision, this would help tremendously.

thanks Michelle...

bring on the dongs...

well this party was not nearly as fun as i thought it would be. That might be because there was no alcohol!!!

And the hostess of this dildo party was pretty lifeless. you cannot hold molded cocks in your hand and speak in a monotone voice..."cananyonetellmethedifferencebetweena gspot orgasmand avaginal one?"

hello???

The "owner" of the party finally pulled down a near-empty vodka bottle to which i imbibed in one 7up & spirits.

Indiana's version of Smirnoff; but, good enough for me!


Here's me and my friend Dena...nice chin zit Dena...


And here is the magazine Michelle spent hours looking at. I think she was fascinated with the Chocolate Thriller...you nasty girl, you...


After the party we went to BJ's where i had about 4 bites of food and two white russians. ever have a white russian? it's the equivalent to satans water. After that we went to the limelight where i had 4 more satans water and that's when the curtain went down. i hate when i let my hair down that much. well...it's no use crying over spilled milk, or, in my case, white russians...

i spent sunday mostly horizontal. Much to Kody's dismay...speaking of Kody

...becuase i couldn't really keep anything down, an asian pear sounded nice and easy to digest. but after 3 pieces i couldn't down anymore. Guess who ate the REST OF MY ASIAN PEAR?? Kody! how weird is that? he even barked after the first piece becuase he wanted to eat the rest...am i just not feeding him enough?






I'll give him a nice long walk tonight to make up for yesterday...it's hard being my son.

My boy...

(STUDLY)

He's very predictable and, in my opinion, very hilarious. Every morning it's the same routine: I get up at the last minute leaving no time for me to entertain the King. I make coffee, shower, surf the net, dress, makeup, etc....Well, this pisses his Highness right off.

So, for my punishment, Kody picks and chooses things (MY things) to confiscate and dash off madly with said object in mouth. And he's smart because he likes to ensure i've seen him with said object, lest punishment would be pointless.

I always, for some reason, leave my sock drawer open. this is a PERFECT opportunity for him...he picks the unfortunate pair and bolts to the dining room.

Today i decide to capture him in action...this is him in the dining room with my socks:


then i walk away like i'm bored so he peeks around the wall to see if i'm still interested...


When i get my socks back and close my drawer, he has to resort to other alternatives...it's usually always my super-warm Ugg boots (okay..OFF brand ugg)


and to see if i still care...
(click on pix to enlarge so you can see his eyes sideways looking at me...)

Ain't he adorable?? Kevin tried to tell me a cute story about his 17 year old but it's just not the same...Kody wins. hands down.

Last Monday we took him and his girlfriend hiking with my good friend Janet.

Now it's not easy hanging out with someone who's 5 foot 20 and a size 2 on a heavy day; but, i manage.

and i'm trying to be a 2 too. Tu Tu. we walked for 2 hours!! Until we ended up at the Sunflower Cafe where i had the ever-so-popular and delicious nut burger:

Janet had the delicious avocado sandwich...(they look alike but they are different) and here are the 'children' waiting around for us to give them pieces of our meals...


wow...that was a long post. I kept it mostly pictures so i don't lose any readers....assuming i have readers...

whoa...where've i been?

Blogging can be hard work. Add nothing much going on in your life and it doubles the difficulty.

Let's see....i'm still workin out, still not losing weight, finished my puzzle, started a new one (keeps my mind young), partied saturday, sunday and Monday - ever so lightly -, am planning a trip to Kauai in March, haven't won the lottery and there is still tufts of dog hair all over my house.

whoooooweee my life is good! but look! another weekend is just right around the corner. and saturday we're all going to a dildo party so i should have something for you by then.

And i actually have tons of work AT work so i can't even cruise other blogs which makes a hole in my life...so i think i'll sneak out and catch up... : )

dieting is a 4 letter word + 2

and that is

fuck

it.

I allowed myself drinkie poos saturday; but, as a punishment no food. so i lost a whopping 3 pounds over night. yes. water weight, right? but sunday i tell myself NOT to over-do it so i only gain back two of those blessed 3. and i didn't over-do it; but, i still gained back not only the 3 but also a frustrating 1. what's the math lesson here?

current weight - 3 = joyous occasion.

joyous occasion + 4 = fuck it.

i'm off to get my "forbidden" mocha now...i deserve it.

Ever been in love?

No. not that kind of love but REAL love?

I'm listening to A Thousand Sweet Kisses from the movie/play Rent. And when you listen to the words, you feel love. REAL love. Real passionate, throw-all-caution-to-the-wind, kinda love. Course they were transexual, homeless people ridden with AIDS but who cares? if it's real love, isn't it worth it?

What is real love anyway? I know in the beginning it's better than heroin. (which i've never tried. Regrettably) So, the butterflies, the sighing, the joyous aniticpation, the vomiting...is there anything better?

Then time sets in and there's none of that. NONE of that. Or is there? Has Hellywood truly tainted me or is Hellywood real? My girlfriend who had been married for 6 years said she still couldn't wait to sack her man. course he was 10 years younger than her but still...What is love?

In the past i've had great passion and great loss. but i was an idiot then. now i'm 40 and i know what i want. but when it comes to the area of love, i'm so lost and confused. Should you wait for exactly what you'd want or should you be greatful for the man you currently have? Which, by the way, is very loving, understanding, kind, will tolerate your 100# dog, funny, and tries really hard to meet the things you tell him you really want? How many people in the world are like that?

I'm afraid I'm meant to be alone, having brief exciting love affairs all over the world...Ummm...did i just answer my own question?

WTF?

She carries the puppy and her MANAGER carries her kid???

She is a loser. Where are the other puppies she had, by the way? Hmm...and where's her other kid? she probably traded it for the puppy.

much ado about nothing...

I have a new friend who's joined the blogging world. Michelle.

Now i wish she'd just go away because she's such a good writer. (There really is a compliment in there somewhere...)

I would love to be a writer. I have many, many thoughts in my head...and they are all interesting. to me. and kody. I just don't know how to put them down in writing so articulately. (is that even a word? see?)

It's kinda like watching comedians. The things you laugh at are pretty much the things you've done in your own life. For instance, Ellen articulately (?) describes the scenario of being in one of those "automatic" bathrooms. You know...the ones where the toilets automatically flush when you're not done, or won't flush when you are? Or tricking a water faucet in to thinking you're a new "client" when it won't give you water for the full term of your hand washing time? These are all things that have happened to me! i get so pissed when someone else profits off my ideas.

but i get even more pissed that i don't think of publicizing them first. i love fame. i'd give my leg hairs to be famous. all of them. and i truly think i was supposed to be famous but things got in the way.

i blame everyone but me. i'm simply a molded piece of clay.

by the way...I invented the maxi pads with wings when i was 11. YES i did....

A new workout!

I've been working out, now, for a little over 3 weeks.

And, as I said before, I'm getting bigger. BIGGER! (Now I know I'm not obese by any means; but, I've always been a size 7. Now I'm a 12.)

I won't give up because I just know it has to change. And besides, this working out stuff feels pretty good (except the running - that NEVER feels good).

So I decided I would pick up a new sport, since I plan on working out for the rest of my life. I chose swimming because the new gym I joined has a pool. And also, who doesn't love playing in the water? The feel of the water against my skin, the effortless floating....floating right back in to my size 7's. If that's working out, then sign me up 7 days a week!

To prepare for my new venture I bought a nose plug, swimming caps, ear plugs and eye goggles. All color coordinated. All made just to make me look amazingly hideous.

On my first day, I vainly decided NOT to wear the swim cap or the nose plugs. the ear plugs and eye goggles, however, were critical. So I scamper out to the pool, after my obligatory shower, with my towel wrapped around my size 12 ass. Thank GOD there is only one person in the area and he's way over in the jacuzzi. he took about as much interest in me as a cow chewing cud would on a lazy, warm summer day. so I put on my goggles, fumbled with my ear plugs, threw off my towel and jumped in the pool.

the deep end.

I am flailing about since my feet can barely touch the bottom, my hair is in my goggled eyes, I've lost an ear plug and I look, not like a woman trying to get in shape, but a very white whale who's lost its flippers and the ability to stay afloat.

This is not starting good. I gasp for air, swallow the water that's gone up my non-plugged nose and grab the side of the pool, glancing over to the man who is, metaphorically, still chewing his cud.

After I find my ear plug, I get back in the water and swim. I start with my right hand, left hand, right hand, pull my head out of the water and gasp for air. Head back in water, blowing out my mouth, right hand, left hand, right hand, head up for more air....and back in the water. The problem with this is as you swim, your heartrate increases and so does your need for air. so before I would get to the 3rd stroke I was already DYING to breathe and when I'd bring my head up I'd make the most wretched gasping noise. It got worse with each breath until i had to stand up, hair in goggled eyes and...you get the picture...it was just not pretty. But I did this for 30 minutes. my heart rate did stay up because of me fighting to learn to swim aerobically. That counts for something, right?

I'm not much prettier running....so maybe it IS just me. In fact, really the only time I look super hot is when I'm doing 12 ounce curls on my couch in front of a Sunday game. now THAT'S a workout I'm good at...

Kody says "GOOD MORNING!"

...perfecting his 'dirty old man' pose...

I went to Big Lots (formerly known as Pic -n- Save) and lookie what i got!!!

Those wine glasses are much more prettier in person. i just hope they don't contain lead. unless it makes me drunker. and the toilet rolly thingie...most delicious!

Ummm...

is it me, or is this just the worst name for a pain reliever?

Happy New Year?

Since it was only going to be me and Kody for new years eve, my friend brought over her do-in-a-pinch "date".

His name is Henry.

Kody was not happy.



I was not happy. And Henry wouldn't even drink with me!

so I painted him a penis.